jim

my haters only inspire me to be worse

[Noah Kahan @NoahKahan]

Sold out 4 fenways made a hole in one then stole 5k off the dealer at encore. What a week! Love you Boston

[powerful wizerd @powerfulwizerd]

hey guys! First time composing background music for promotional videos. how did i do

[Jason, ex Inferis @benedictsred]

Fucked that there are a million songs about love but only one about baking me a cake as fast as you can

[the heart @Fredward3948576]

[jolting awake after a pleasant 8 hours of sleep] I’ve been betrayed

[The Last Twink-bender @KC_inhell]

Conor McGregor seems absolutely devastated. Someone should lock him in a room by himself with some booze and a gun tonight.

[LizaMinnelliOutlives @LiZaOutlives]

Liza Minnelli has outlived Senator Lindsey Graham. He has gone to the big closet in the sky.

[bri @bribrisimps]

the devil hears that you’re nauseous and sends you a tesla uber that is heavily air freshened

[lizzi 🐞☀️ @busyheadvinyl]

not to be dramatic or anything but if you’re at the show tonight to hear godlight i think really mean things about you

[one dozen rats at a keyboard @PanasonicDX4500]

Ronaldo screaming “I’m back” after two goals against Uzbekistan and then scoring one charity penalty before being knocked out of the Round of 16 again is my highlight of the World Cup unless he gets arrested later.

[victoria ♀️ @fatfabfeminist]

I love it when r*pists suffer

[J.P. McDade @jp_mcdade]

Love this one. You set up the folding chairs, toss the kids some popsicles, then witness the arrival of the archangel Azrael.

[swinky @swinkying]

talking tom told me to harm myself and others

[Seahawks Fan @ChrisFiexen]

Would you rather your girl die or leave you for a Savannah banana

[Eric Brown @ericbrownzzz]

i support Tom Cruise, Movie Star, because i shudder to think of the destruction he would bring if he set his mind to some other task

[Ienka @ankyheidi]

fuuck i unleashed close personal friend behaviour on a regular friend again

[jake rhodes @jakebrodes]

back in the states it’s just sloppy and greasy hot. Big fat nasty stink mother fucker heat. Bubble bass weather. Get off the plane immediately pissed off. Overly excited customs agent goes “Welcome back to the states!” My butt and balls are already sliding around. Fuck off.

[brittany @brittany_says]

this morning a guy got on the bus and yelled “fat boy HOT…. fat boy SWEATIN”