ryan 🚪🚶🏻‍♂️

constantly no selling

[dawn @rundry]

It's cool that swifties have their own glup shitto characters

[⌏ ❦ ⌌ @TimesNewJohann]

getting fat again

[brycey @gngbryce]

A straight girl from HS does not play about changing her IG handle immediately after walking down the aisle

[kelly erin @kelly_erin_]

When a novel opens with a double epigraph pairing quotes from a heady philosophers and contemporary pop stars, like oh my god is that allowed?? Can she even do that?????

[Pizza🇪🇸 @number_pizza111]

Midwesterners recommending you their favorite pizza places feels like a cat bringing a dead mouse to you.

They mean well, they’re really trying to do something nice, but it’s all just utterly disgusting.

[cold 🥑 @coldhealing]

Everyone in New York keeps shouting "Nixon Ford" as a reminder of our 37th and 38th presidents 🔥🇺🇸👊

[Lena Dunham @lenadunham]

Part of the reason I love 2 On by Tinashe is that she talks about getting wasted from a place of power!

[🕷️Smart Alec🕸️ @_TheSmartAlec1]

This will be the sixth time we have given the FoX-Men their swan song, and we have become exceedingly efficient at it

[Christopher @molochofficial]

museum curators describing literally any portrait of a woman: she boldly meets the viewer's eye, confronting our gaze

[microplastics nanobubbler @facetedcarapace]

"they voted for an anti-war president and now Trump is going after Iran. fell for it again award 😂"

If these people were capable of noticing the sting of moral inconsistency or cared about things like hypocrisy or lying, they wouldn't have voted for him in the first place.

[rue yi @ruebytwo]

just incredulously exclaimed “caillou is canadian??” thereby pronouncing his name out loud and having a realization of quebecois nature

[Sridhar Ramesh @RadishHarmers]

The sheer scale of a billion dollars can be hard to understand. Let me put it in perspective for you. You would have to earn a dollar a day for a billion days straight to have that much money.

[Jaketropolis @jaketropolis]

In 2009, Stephen Hawking decided to host a Time Traveler Party. He did not disclose the party's date and location until after the party had taken place. Predictably, no one showed up. This is because of Hawking's ties to Jeffrey Epstein, which any time traveler would be aware of

[alex @vaudevillehook]

The Beach Boys as science teachers: Water would be ice if it was colder

[howdy bitch @looksalotlikeme]

How pizza shop employees look at you when you walk in and you order a pizza

[microplastics nanobubbler @facetedcarapace]

hello this is the bank we have approved your million dollar loan to start your David Lynch themed Asian fusion restaurant Fire Wok With Me

[cheyenne🆗️ @evilvillain1231]

ever since i left the city YOU! (powerful shock wave emanates from me and shatters all nearby windows)

[Aidan Powers @aidan_34_powers]

Tap the sign

[Brooks Otterlake @i_zzzzzz]

BJORK: I’m going hunting
ME: Ok
BJORK: I’m the hunter.
ME: Understood

[girlboss don biggavelli @rwxoxo]

seeing everyones 2026 predictions