Sir Scissors

Scissors dear boy, I manufacture scissors.

[Sir Scissors @sir_scissors]

Separation of powers? Or just another cut? #Musk #spacex #Boring #scissors #bananas

[Sir Scissors @sir_scissors]

What the devil is an X? Confounded mergers and innovation. Reminds me of when the tree rubber business merged with the automotan palm oil press business. Ha! Confounded automation! What will they dream of next? Machines that think? #AI #mit #jobs #treerubber #bigbeautfulbill

[Sir Scissors @sir_scissors]

Antonio Brown was cut, so I hear. Hopefully the @Buccaneers used precision scissors manufactured by the finest of scissor makers. Measure twice cut once? Silly. Cut first then cut again ✂️ #me #NFL #scissors #cut @sirkensingtons

[Sir Scissors @sir_scissors]

Whoever invented the game "rock, paper, scissors" has made a ghastly mistake. Rock beats scissors? Impossible. Not my finely manufactured scissors. They cut through rock like a grapeshot through the front line of the Foreign Legion. Smooth as French goose liver pate. #scissors

[Sir Scissors @sir_scissors]

Why do I smell of fire? Because I rage inside, good sir. That and because Madam Shears won't stop with that infernal weed. Damn that pan-Asia expedition of hers. My finest top hat is now riddled with soot and burn holes and is no condition to wear to my cricket game. Confound her

[Sir Scissors @sir_scissors]

The worker shortage is crippling my east Indian expansion. They tell me it's some bat malady or other hogwash. Yet scissor quotas must b met and scissor quotas pay the working man's rent. We shall work triple time lest I pay another farthing toward their indenturement.

[Sir Scissors @sir_scissors]

By her majesty, what a thought of perforation. Such a vagary shall strike a match under a canton's vicar's cloth. I say dear chap, shall we vertically integrate operations and give our water powered factories a respite? Next thing u know we have steam and me living in a clock

[Brendan Ryan @bjr312]

@sir_scissors, @sirkensingtons here. A proper packet calls for a proper perforation. Perhaps you possess a pair appropriate to pierce my pouch? Please reply. Happiest of yuletides to you and your men!

[Sir Scissors @sir_scissors]

Scissors. Essential for field dressing. As our good ol' boys in the Light Brigade found out the hard way. Cannons to the left. Cannons to the right. Scissors in the field hospital. For her majesty. Bloody cossacks. Cut through our men like...scissors. #Crimea #Scissors

[Sir Scissors @sir_scissors]

Confound the brigands that operate our #shipyards. Their duties, taxes, and #tariffs create a dreadful plight for our consumers, and now a supply chain fiasco to boot! A #Christmas without my #scissors! I think not old chap. I'll deliver them door to door like Saint Scissorston.

[Sir Scissors @sir_scissors]

My scissors can cut through a Thanksgiving fowl like the Lightbrigade through a Russian artillery embankment. U don't see Sir Scissors trolling for a Tennyson poem. Harumph #scissors #tennyson #1854

[Sir Scissors @sir_scissors]

To the last I grapple with thee, for hates sake I stab at thee. From hells heart i spit my last breathe at thee. #scissors #youknowhour #endit

[Sir Scissors @sir_scissors]

Mark my words. Scissors will be upon this night and will be the author of your fright. #scissors

[Sir Scissors @sir_scissors]

I may be a manufacturer of scissors, but I have a heart, and a heart has limits. That's why god invented the single bolt action pistol. Impressive in design, deadly in intent, and majestic in dispatching the etherworld demons that plague one's mind. The #scissors of firearms

[Sir Scissors @sir_scissors]

Brigands, dear sir. Brigands. They have no honor and couldn't respect even their own mother. A pox on their house and super bowl party. May they rot in the trenches and b dispatched to war. Our new line of medical scissors will cut away the corruption and impurities. #scissors

[Sir Scissors @sir_scissors]

When the going gets tough, the tough get scissors. Then they use the scissors as cutting utensils. Sometimes stabbing, though we in the scissors manufacturing business do not condone such behavior, unless it b for a righteous cause. #scissors

[Sir Scissors @sir_scissors]

3 pence and a penny farthing for whichever lad can find Sir Scissors his monocle. Blasted thing popped of my face and tumbled though my whiskers as I was fishing in my pockets for my favorite scissors, as if it were a fitful trout in a cauldron of storms...but my pants #scissors

[Sir Scissors @sir_scissors]

Where on earth did I put my zeppelin ticket? I must not b late for the international scissors expo at the World Fair. It would b unseemly and beneath the Scissor family. Most of all I could us a repite from the dreadful Mrs. Shears. #scissors #zeppelin #gettheleadout #worldfair

[Sir Scissors @sir_scissors]

Transatlantic shipping of my scissors is a perilous venture these days, what with all those German U-boats prowling around #freetrade #scissors

[Sir Scissors @sir_scissors]

You know what makes for better chopsticks? Scissors. Next time bring a pair. But b careful to not use too much wasabi. Burns the heart like a dickers. #scissors #Wasabi #chopsticks #sushi

[Sir Scissors @sir_scissors]

Old chap, do u know how safety scissors came to b? The Night of a Thousand Children's Fingers. Of course we could not be held resonsible for bad parenting. Nevertheless, I decided to not pay the medical bills, but design a better scissor. Eureka! Safety scissors. You're welcome