she's not on drugs

This Twitter is dedicated to the bullshit my lovely sisters say.

[she's not on drugs @sistersmalarkey]

*singing along to Loretta-Lynn's Lincoln*
"I wanna drive Loretta-Lynn's Lincoln! @joshturnermusic FIGHT ME" -Emily
#ClassicCarJunkie

[she's not on drugs @sistersmalarkey]

"That cow just "hrumphed" at me." -Emily

[she's not on drugs @sistersmalarkey]

Emily: "I hate this song."
Me: "Why?"
E: "I can't fucking hear it."
#DeafProblems #NoTheHearingAidDoesntFixIt

[she's not on drugs @sistersmalarkey]

"You can't throw that ass in a circle driving a plumbing van; PVC will go EVERYWHERE." -Emily #ConstructionFeels

[she's not on drugs @sistersmalarkey]

"I can have a vanilla bean chai tea mocha soy white privilege latte please?
*silence*
It's on the secret menu I think."
-Emily #Starbucks

[she's not on drugs @sistersmalarkey]

"I don't link shame! I just confusedly ask questions." -Emily

[she's not on drugs @sistersmalarkey]

"If you watch tentacle porn, we can't be friends." -Emily #kinkshaming

[she's not on drugs @sistersmalarkey]

"I am a donut burrito - call that a long john." -Emily

[she's not on drugs @sistersmalarkey]

"Oh there's s deer in that field!"
*rolls down window*
*yells*
"Watch out for the cows! They are plentiful!" -Emily
#WildlifePreservation

[she's not on drugs @sistersmalarkey]

"Those tires look suspicious." -Emily #Cars3

[she's not on drugs @sistersmalarkey]

"The internet in hell must be Hues Net." -Emily #SaveOurSouls

[she's not on drugs @sistersmalarkey]

"I'm a bad white person. I got mayo in my nose." -Emily

[she's not on drugs @sistersmalarkey]

"Sir, this is a land locked state; we don't sell wales." -Emily #HearingAidProblems

[she's not on drugs @sistersmalarkey]

"What are you talking about?"
"My eyes are two different colors?"
"Ow my kidneys." - Emily
#SaidAllInOneBreath

[she's not on drugs @sistersmalarkey]

"I think I inhaled my own hale!" -Emily

[she's not on drugs @sistersmalarkey]

"Do not pick me up. I don't like being picked up. But if Dawyne 'The Rock' Johnson decides to give me a bear hug, I'm okay with it." -E

[she's not on drugs @sistersmalarkey]

"Charlie you're going to be the handsomest boy this side of the fart!" -Emily #GodBlessThisDog

[she's not on drugs @sistersmalarkey]

"Fuck this shit fuck this shit - I'm sorry, language - FUCK THIS SHIT!!" -Emily

[she's not on drugs @sistersmalarkey]

"There is no asshole licking on the carpet, you do that on the hardwood." -Emily #DogMom

[she's not on drugs @sistersmalarkey]

My dog, he'll be vaping through a Kong, and have peanut butter on his dingleberries." -Emily