urmom

[urmom @skidpony]

Avril Lavigne conspiracy...if she isn't dead or hiding, she is a TOTAL sell out. I chose to believe that this current person is an impersonator. #sucks #whereisavril

[urmom @skidpony]

@ElvisDuranShow Fart nugget

[urmom @skidpony]

I seriously just googled "goat bod"...apparently it means greatest of all time. #iamold

[urmom @skidpony]

At work...snacking on dry roasted peanuts...blurts out "peanuts make my hands feel dirty"! #LateLateShow

[urmom @skidpony]

@KiddNation #feelgoodfriday I get to celebrate my birthday AND Mother's Day on Sunday. Born on Friday the 13th. My mom told me that I should be glad that she wasn't superstitious.

[urmom @skidpony]

@KiddNation I am on day 3 of trying to go vegan...#Ineedcheese

[urmom @skidpony]

@carrieunderwood...I feel your pain...December 2017...ugh!...

[urmom @skidpony]

@StrangePintura Omg...why does this remind me of...ME!

[urmom @skidpony]

Who the fuck gets hurt "crafting"? Apparently I am NOT old enough to own an exacto knife.

[urmom @skidpony]

Is there a nice way to say to a friend that I am sorry that you got divorced for the 2nd time, but ur new bae looks like a douche?

[urmom @skidpony]

If I could honestly comment on all of the"get fit quick" people posting shit on FB without backlash...amazeballs!

[urmom @skidpony]

Why are sneezes SO orgasmic? Like...if it doesn't come out...I am sad!

[urmom @skidpony]

You’re Jessa Johansson. https://t.co/UvwcX2rWpu via @Magiquiz

[urmom @skidpony]

I cannot even begin to describe the amount of hotness that I have going on right now...black ankle socks, thermal pants, tank top, glasses.

[urmom @skidpony]

Rednecks livin on a lake...snake!

[urmom @skidpony]

I would LOVE to purchase your back sweat fart cushion! #ewwww

[urmom @skidpony]

I need an intervention for pizza, hot wings, taco bell...OMG...I think I have turned into a frat boy.

[urmom @skidpony]

I am pretty sure that my 12 year old is asking me THE most ridiculous questions regarding her homework to verify that I am smarter...game on

[urmom @skidpony]

@WorIdStarFunny what a bitch ass friend...help her!!!

[urmom @skidpony]

If I could have pizza delivered to my door every morning at like 9...that would be AMAZEBALLS!