"We fail to understand when we think the task of theology is to solve the mystery of God, to drag it down to the flat, ordinary wisdom of human experience & reason! Its sole office is to preserve the miracle as miracle, to…glorify God's mystery precisely as mystery."—Bonhoeffer
A hymn written by G.K. Chesterton in 1906 is relevant still:
O God of earth and altar,
Bow down and hear our cry,
Our earthly rulers falter,
Our people drift and die;
The walls of gold entomb us,
The swords of scorn divide,
Take not thy thunder from us,
But take away our pride.
Meanwhile I’ve been praying for direction for a while now, and I think the answer is that I don’t need to have all the answers. I just need to take it one step at a time.