Skyler Coburn

Be sure to drink your Ovaltine. *not affiliated with Ovaltine*

[Skyler Coburn @skycob09]

Random old guy at the store: “boy you’re lucky,” “why?” I ask.
Guy: “The military could’ve really used you,”
Me: “how so?”
Guy: “I’m scared I’d hurt your feelings if I told you,”
Me: “alright well thanks for stopping me.”

[Skyler Coburn @skycob09]

I am at my most impatient when I’m waiting to use the self checkout

[Skyler Coburn @skycob09]

Figuring out the perfect water pressure to set the sink so it effectively washes my hands but doesn’t splash everywhere is my latest battle in life

[Skyler Coburn @skycob09]

Timmy Turner really wasted wishes with Cosmo and Wanda. I know there were rules, but his wishes really sucked

[Skyler Coburn @skycob09]

Mel Kiper is the weatherman of the football world. Just has to guess his predictions, gets it wrong most of the time, and still keeps his job

[Skyler Coburn @skycob09]

Still waiting for the day shopping carts have little cushiony bumpers installed on the bottom for those of us accident prone people who whack our shins at least twice per grocery trip

[Skyler Coburn @skycob09]

I got brownie points for plugging her laptop in when I saw it was sitting on the counter about to die. 1st world chivalry

[Skyler Coburn @skycob09]

Having a bloody nose in the shower is just ridiculous. Sitting in an imitation Hitchcock movie scene just waiting for the well to run dry

[Skyler Coburn @skycob09]

@lindseyamazur I’m sorry to say that I exaggerated the podcast scene for amusement, but there was a phone by the river and a Starbucks involved in the investigation! So not a complete lie. But it was the 9/20 episode of crime junkie if you’re interested

[Skyler Coburn @skycob09]

Well this is the last time I listen to a murder podcast at the gym. It’s kind of hard to get that last rep in when you’re trying to figure out why the victim’s phone was by the river and her wallet was at a Starbucks

[Skyler Coburn @skycob09]

Someday I’m going to poke a straw through a caprisun then squeeze it all into a cup and drink the juice from a cup. Just because I like to cause drama

[Skyler Coburn @skycob09]

@Smooth_Bert I only resent him because I believe Kel Mitchell deserved a spot on SNL but they rejected him. So I take my anger out on Kenan

[Skyler Coburn @skycob09]

I’m so lazy that if google doesn’t autocomplete my search, I give up

[Skyler Coburn @skycob09]

Last year I was a loser for spending New Year’s Eve alone in my apartment. This year....I’m a hero

[Skyler Coburn @skycob09]

The radio at work was playing an ad about voting. It went, “if you mailed in your ballot and are suspicious it won’t be counted just contact...........” then silence.......for a while. Then back to regular music 😳

[Skyler Coburn @skycob09]

Today I heard Colin Quinn say our country is like a 50-state couple’s counseling session who are thinking about getting a divorce, and I felt it was share-worthy

[Skyler Coburn @skycob09]

All these years later, and I still don’t get how Tarzan was able to perfectly mimic sounds like gun shots and people’s voices. He lived among apes. They can’t do that

[Skyler Coburn @skycob09]

People are making apocalypse jokes like there’s no tomorrow

[Skyler Coburn @skycob09]

I killed a large spider on my balcony today. Then when I went out the front door there was an identical one on the sidewalk staring at me with malicious intent. So I may end up in a web soon