Allison Burns

KOTH and Infomercial Enthusiast 📸Insta: manicmotherteresa

[Allison Burns @slapofbeans]

“broken social fields”
allison burns 2022
#artforukraine
#supportukraine
Insta: abstract.artworks

[Allison Burns @slapofbeans]

ya know, some genius decided to wander the seas in search of food.. when they gonna go find space snacks? 👀✨🌝

[Allison Burns @slapofbeans]

@WillieNelson is just a Santa Dale Gribble.

I said what I said
#dalegribble

[Allison Burns @slapofbeans]

Soup is dinner-cereal.

[Allison Burns @slapofbeans]

I recently started seeing a new doctor. He asks me, “how is your sleep?” I turn and I says, “erratic”. He looks away with wide eyes, shifts a little and says “excuse me?, erotic means sexual”. SORRY I HAVE AN ACCENT I SAID WHAT I SAID 😅

[Allison Burns @slapofbeans]

oh man when you’re stoned these informercials are even more convincing 😅😳😆

[Allison Burns @slapofbeans]

went to an Irish pub last night. The overhead music went out for a moment and the disconnect sound went over the speaker. being the #Neurodivergent I am, I let out an echoing loud “BEE DUP” as it went silent in the bar. Girl turns to me and says WOW SPOT ON, 😅😅

[Allison Burns @slapofbeans]

just wanted to share with someone that when I got home from the bar I decided to dip an entire full-bodied squash into ranch dip. no grace, no poise, just me man-handling a gourd. sometimes it be like that 😅

[Allison Burns @slapofbeans]

How to know that you are #Neurodivergent:

Step 1: know the term “neurodivergent” 😅😅😅

[Allison Burns @slapofbeans]

if nuns are married to God, does that make him one big polyamorist 👀😅

[Allison Burns @slapofbeans]

do is not seem like the plural of mouth would be “mouves” or what

[Allison Burns @slapofbeans]

#bingbong

[Allison Burns @slapofbeans]

Condiments are just bread-sauce and cereal is only milk-soup. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Allison Burns @slapofbeans]

I’m thankful for the #SwissRoll. Now I’m not stuck wondering what receiving a micro-branch means after a fight. The Swiss Roll needs no explanation; it’s chocolate, it’s cream, its neutral. #littledebbie #olivebranch #neutrality #Switzerland #neutral #chocolate #cream #dessert

[Allison Burns @slapofbeans]

I like when adults still call it a walkie-talkie.. it sounds so childlike 😂😂 #walkietalkie #walkie #talkie #radio #phone #adult #child #silly #90s

[Allison Burns @slapofbeans]

Dad at hardcore show gets mistaken for head banging; actually experiencing severe allergy attack. #dad #oldman #sneezing #allergies #punkshow #concert #hardcore #headbang #attack #lol

[Allison Burns @slapofbeans]

The biggest scam is hotel industries planting overpriced snacks in the room knowing our need for instant gratification. Bet they do laugh all the way to the bank 😂😂😖🙄
#scam #conspiracy #capitalism #ripoff #hotel #minifridge #overpriced #snacks #industry #TheMan #minibar

[Allison Burns @slapofbeans]

If you add Jello mix to gasoline, does that create napalm? #youdontknowifyoudonttry #donttryit #seriouslydont

[Allison Burns @slapofbeans]

We’ve been saying “pizza” wrong our entire life. There ain’t no “T”.

[Allison Burns @slapofbeans]

Why DO grandmas always smell like the scent of when you first open a wooden cupboard? 👵🏼 #mygrandma #yourgrandma #sittingbythefire #oldpeoplesmell #imnotageist