Victoria Sleeman

My friends tell me I’m only funny on Twitter

[Victoria Sleeman @SleemanVictoria]

I just asked my 7 y/o sister about her first grade bf and I swear to you her eyes rolled to the next century and she goes “We broke up and we’re not talking about it” like okay lil mama

[Rachel McCartney @RachelMComedy]

The friend zone is NOT a punishment. Dating me is a punishment

[Flash @Flashyasf]

I’d rather cut you off completely than have to limit the way I fuck with you.

[Lili Reinhart @lilireinhart]

Let’s circle this for a while to remind everyone. ❤️

[dana donnelly @danadonnelly]

the “productive morning” to “1 PM mental breakdown” pipeline

[Victoria Sleeman @SleemanVictoria]

Hearts been broke one too many times I am now accepting offers to run the mafia. Not picky on location but would prefer somewhere with good wine and pasta. I am a size medium in Gucci or LV. Ring size 7. Thank you for your time.

[SLIM 🫧 @_slimarella_]

gentle reminder:

[hope @oopstdiditagain]

hopeless romantic forever n always. i love love, i love experiencing love. i am love in all forms.

[Victoria Sleeman @SleemanVictoria]

My sister and her friend just told me they wish they were in high school in 2016 because “it looked so fun” baby girls I can confirm 2016 was the last year I had any serotonin

[claudia @idkcloudy]

instagram going down on national bf day is a sign to dump him

[X @xiorabella]

Marry a man who wants to be a HUSBAND, not a man who just wants a wife.

[amanda @amandagirlxo]

Does anyone who worked the entire pandemic feel permanently burnt out?

[Joey⚡️ @joeygllghr]

Telling you how my day is going is a HIPAA violation

[Victoria Sleeman @SleemanVictoria]

You can still sit at my table, but don’t get mad when I no longer serve you before me 🤗

[FINE AUNTIE💅🏾🩷🌸🎀🫧 @ohthatskween__]

Out of respect PLEASEEEE do not tell me about people that I am no longer in contact with. I do not care about them, what they do is none of my business. I have my own life and I am very happy with where I am.

[s h e n n a 💛✨🦋 @shenna_brook]

“you look happier” thanks it’s summertime

[Brittany Dawn @itsbrittanydawn]

to the girl watching her friends get engaged, married, pregnant, buy a new home, land a career, post cute relationship pictures, and is feeling like you went wrong somewhere along the way: stop. their season is not your season. God has not forsaken you. comparison crushes joy.