I'llSaiLtHeOcEaNiNsUnSeT

Somewhere between wanting you and choosing your happiness, I disappeared.

[I'llSaiLtHeOcEaNiNsUnSeT @sleepyhead_86]

A Letter I'll Never Send To Her

I loved you. I loved you with everything I had, even though I knew from the start that I could never be your first. I tried to fill every empty space in your heart, tried to become the girl you deserved, but some shadows are too deep to chase away.

I watched you smile, watched you reach for me, and felt the weight of someone else still lingering in your heart. And I understood, even if it broke me, that love isn’t always fair. Love doesn’t always mean being enough. Sometimes love is holding someone close while knowing you will never truly have them completely.

I don’t regret it. I don’t regret loving you, even if it was painful, even if it meant I could never be your whole. Because loving you taught me the most honest kind of love—the kind that doesn’t cling, that doesn’t demand, that simply exists, quietly, painfully, beautifully.

I am not your first. I am not your best. But I was yours, in every moment I could be. And that, in its own fragile, tragic way, is enough for me.

And maybe one day, when all of this no longer aches the way it does now, I’ll look back at us without this quiet heaviness in my chest. Maybe I’ll remember you without wondering what more I could have done, what more I could have been, just to make you choose me the way I chose you.

Because the truth is, I did choose you—over and over again, even in the moments you were unsure about me. I stayed when it would have been easier to walk away, held on when every part of me was already starting to break. Not because I didn’t see the reality, but because loving you felt like something I couldn’t simply turn off.

But love like this… it slowly teaches you the difference between holding on and losing yourself. And somewhere along the way, I realized I was becoming someone who kept settling for half of a heart, convincing myself it was enough just because it was yours.

You never asked me to stay through the confusion, never promised me the kind of love I was hoping for. And maybe that’s what makes this harder—because I can’t even blame you for something you never fully gave. The truth is, I stayed knowing exactly what this was, hoping that somehow, someday, I would become more to you than I was.

But I’m starting to understand that love shouldn’t feel like constantly trying to prove you’re worth choosing.

So this is me, finally being honest in the only way I know how—quietly, without asking anything back. I loved you in the purest way I could, even when it hurt, even when it wasn’t returned the same way.

And maybe that’s where this ends.

Not with anger. Not with regret.

Just with the soft, aching acceptance that sometimes, love doesn’t stay—not because it wasn’t real, but because it was never meant to be held onto forever.

Happy wedding day. Today is the happiest day for you. Now you have had a little family of your own. I hope your little family will grow up to be the family that you dream of.

[I'llSaiLtHeOcEaNiNsUnSeT @sleepyhead_86]

@01rkive namjoon this... 🥺
accepting life really is magic.
i’m in my healing wlw era now and for the first time, the hard + good moments both feel beautiful.
thank you for putting it into words 🤍

[I'llSaiLtHeOcEaNiNsUnSeT @sleepyhead_86]

@01rkive Can't wait to see you guys in Singapore.
Even though I couldn’t get VIP… at least I won the war for a ticket 😂
See you in Singapore ARIRANG 🫡

[I'llSaiLtHeOcEaNiNsUnSeT @sleepyhead_86]

@Jamessu_w James’ 5 boys summarized:
1. MOON = healing era
2. RAVEN = goth bf
3. VENOM = villain origin story
4. RUBY = red flag queen
5. KISHI = don’t make eye contact or you’re done.

My pick = MOON 🥺 Healing era only for me #JamesSu

[I'llSaiLtHeOcEaNiNsUnSeT @sleepyhead_86]

@01rkive Some days are hard. Some days I don’t like this stage.
But I’m learning not to pretend I’m okay when I’m not.
Healing WLW era: me, myself, and the lessons 🥺

Thank you, Leader-nim 🫡💜

[I'llSaiLtHeOcEaNiNsUnSeT @sleepyhead_86]

@01rkive Thank you, leader-nim. The path feels long and uncertain right now... but your words make me want to trust myself a little more today. 🫂

[I'llSaiLtHeOcEaNiNsUnSeT @sleepyhead_86]

@savewrg Save krub 🥺 Don’t forget to thank yourself too, for how far you’ve come.
Your words about hugging ourselves and noticing little things really reached me 💗
We’re happy because you’re happy too 🫂

BLESSING DAY WITH SAVEWRG

#SaveMakeMeritDay2026
#savewrg

[I'llSaiLtHeOcEaNiNsUnSeT @sleepyhead_86]

Translation:

You don’t need everyone to understand the choices you make for your healing.

Sometimes, protecting your peace of mind and not paying too much attention to outside noise, other people, or your surroundings is important.

Right now, the most important thing is to take care of yourself and your mental health, and find the healing path that's most right for you.
_____

Some chapters aren’t for everyone to read.
You don’t need everyone to understand the road you’re walking.

I’m learning to love quietly, heal loudly, and guard my peace above all else.
Right now, my only job is to choose the healing that’s most right for me. 🌱💚

Thank u, @01rkive , for the words. Thank u, universe, for the lesson.

[RM @01rkive]

치유를 위해 당신이 내리는 선택을 모든 사람이 이해할 필요는 없습니다.

때로는 마음의 평화를 지키고 외부의 소음이나 다른 사람들, 주변 상황에 너무 신경 쓰지 않는 것이 중요합니다.

지금 가장 중요한 것은 당신 자신과 당신의 정신 건강을 돌보면서 당신에게 가장 적합한 치유의 길을 찾는 것입니다.q

[I'llSaiLtHeOcEaNiNsUnSeT @sleepyhead_86]

@01rkive "You’re tired of accepting love others don’t understand."
Same. So I’m throwing off the fear and choosing myself.
My eyes shine for me now. My hands clench for me now.
This journey made me a warrior. Thank you for the words leader-nim💜

[I'llSaiLtHeOcEaNiNsUnSeT @sleepyhead_86]

@01rkive Not everyone needs to understand the choices you make for your healing. 😭

Thank you for this, leader-nim, It’s hard when people don’t get your journey, but you’re right — my peace is more important than their opinions.

Learning to choose myself. Slowly but surely 💜

[I'llSaiLtHeOcEaNiNsUnSeT @sleepyhead_86]

Happy 1st Debut Anniversary, DEXX 🎉💙

Thank you for not giving up even though the first year was hard. Thank you for every rehearsal, every stage, every time you chose to keep going when it felt scary.

365 days of hard work, tears, and growth — and you did it together. You made this journey meaningful for TheX too.

So proud of all 6 of you. Keep going. We’ll stay by your side for every step beyond this ⭐

DEXX 1ST GO BEYOND

#365DaysWithDEXX
#Happy1stDebutAnniversaryDEXX
#DEXX #DMDMUSIC

[DEXX @DEXXofficialTH]

Happy 1st Debut Anniversary, DEXX 🎉

ขอบคุณ TheX ทุกคนที่คอยอยู่เคียงข้าง ซัปพอร์ต และส่งกำลังใจให้ DEXX ตลอด 1 ปีที่ผ่านมา 💙

ทุกการติดตาม ทุกกำลังใจ และทุกความรักจาก TheX คือพลังสำคัญที่ทำให้การเดินทางของ DEXX เต็มไปด้วยความหมาย

และฝากทุก ๆ คนติดตามผลงาน รวมถึงทุกก้าวต่อไปของพวกเราด้วยนะครับ ขอบคุณที่อยู่เคียงข้างกันเสมอครับ ⭐️

DEXX 1ST GO BEYOND
#365DaysWithDEXX
#Happy1stDebutAnniversaryDEXX
#DEXX #DMDMUSIC

[I'llSaiLtHeOcEaNiNsUnSeT @sleepyhead_86]

@twnpich we’re so proud of you 🥺

Thank you for being brave enough to admit you cry in the rehearsal room.

You said you’re scared you’re not good enough — but kid, choosing to fight when it’s hard is what makes you enough.

Your timing doesn’t have to match anyone else’s. The moon doesn’t rush to be full, and stars don’t apologize for taking lightyears to shine.

Keep growing at your pace. We’ll be here, waiting in your sky.

Always stay strong, but it’s okay to not be strong too. We’re proud of both versions of you ✌️💜⭐.

[2Tee @twnpich]

รู้หมดเลยใครชอบร้องไห้ในห้องซ้อม 🥺 ไม่อยากร้องเลยแต่กลัวไม่ดีพอ กลัวทุกคนไม่ภูมิใจ อยากบอกว่ามันยากเลยนะครับ เวลาเราอาจไม่เหมือนคนอื่น แต่เราเลือกเองว่าจะทำทุกอย่างก็ต้องสู้ ขอบคุณพี่ๆในวงที่คอยปลอบตี๋ด้วยนะครับ จะโตขึ้นและแข็งแรงให้ได้นะครับทุกคน ✌🏻

#1stYearWithDexx

[I'llSaiLtHeOcEaNiNsUnSeT @sleepyhead_86]

Translation:

Life doesn't always go according to plan, but that doesn't mean that what's happening right now isn't supposed to be happening. Life can be full of completely unexpected things in the most amazing ways, but what will happen will definitely happen. Sometimes things may not go the way you want, but that doesn't mean it's not the best for you. Rather, it might be the very best thing for you.

_In the moments when you're going through hard times, it can feel like the laws of nature are working against you, and you might not be able to understand the situation properly. But as time passes, you will come to realize that everything is for your growth and happiness.

What will happen will definitely happen, and this is the truth of life. Sometimes you have to accept that your wishes may not come true. It means that something better is being prepared for you. You also have to accept that your plans may not always go as intended. Because there exists a much bigger plan that encompasses all of us.

And most importantly, what doesn't break you makes you stronger. This is the lesson we must learn. You must find strength within your wounds, and find light within the darkness, and if you cannot find it, you must become the light yourself. And you must keep going. Keep moving forward, and stand up for yourself.

[I'llSaiLtHeOcEaNiNsUnSeT @sleepyhead_86]

"What doesn’t break you makes you stronger" — I’m learning that now 🥹

Life didn’t go according to plan. Losing her wasn’t in my plan, and it hurt more than I understood at the time. But maybe that’s okay. Maybe what will happen will definitely happen, and this was supposed to happen.

In the moments I was going through it, it really felt like everything was working against me. I couldn’t understand why my wish didn’t come true. But your words helped me see: sometimes your plans may not go as intended, because there exists a much bigger plan that encompasses all of us.

Maybe this heartbreak is for my growth. Maybe something better is being prepared for me, even if I can’t see it yet. So now I’m trying to find strength within my wounds, and find light within the darkness — and if I cannot find it, I’ll become the light myself.

I’ll stand up for myself. I’ll keep going. I’ll keep moving forward, just like you said. Thank you, #RM, for reminding me that this isn’t the end of my story 💜

[RM @01rkive]

인생은 항상 계획대로 흘러가지는 않지만, 그렇다고 해서 지금 일어나고 있는 일들이 일어나서는 안 되는 일이라는 뜻은 아닙니다. 인생은 가장 놀라운 방식으로 완전히 예상치 못한 일들로 가득할 수 있지만, 일어날 일은 반드시 일어납니다. 때로는 원하는 대로 되지 않을 수도 있지만, 그것이 당신에게 최선이 아니라는 뜻은 아닙니다. 오히려 그것이 당신에게 가장 좋은 일일 수도 있습니다. 힘든 일을 겪는 순간에는 자연의 법칙이 당신에게 불리하게 작용하는 것처럼 느껴져 상황을 제대로 이해하지 못할 수도 있습니다. 하지만 시간이 지나면서 모든 일들이 당신의 성장과 행복을 위한 것임을 깨닫게 될 것입니다. 일어날 일은 반드시 일어날 것이고, 이것이 바로 삶의 진실입니다. 때로는 소원이 이루어지지 않을 수도 있다는 것을 받아들여야 합니다. 그것은 더 나은 무언가가 당신을 위해 준비되어 있다는 뜻입니다. 또한 당신의 계획이 항상 뜻대로 되지 않을 수도 있다는 것을 받아들여야 합니다. 우리 모두를 아우르는 훨씬 더 큰 계획이 존재하기 때문입니다. 그리고 무엇보다 가장 중요한 것은, 당신을 무너뜨리지 못하는 것은 당신을 더욱 강하게 만든다는 사실입니다. 이것이 바로 우리가 배워야 할 교훈입니다. 상처 속에서 힘을 찾아야 하고, 어둠 속에서 빛을 찾아야 하며, 만약 찾을 수 없다면 스스로 빛이 되어야 합니다. 그리고 계속 나아가야 합니다. 계속 나아가고, 스스로를 위해 일어서야 합니다.

[I'llSaiLtHeOcEaNiNsUnSeT @sleepyhead_86]

@01rkive What doesn't break you makes you stronger 🥹 Thank you for reminding me that plans changing means better things are coming 💜 I’ll keep going. ⭐

[I'llSaiLtHeOcEaNiNsUnSeT @sleepyhead_86]

OMG just realized and saw RM like my comments 😭💜

[I'llSaiLtHeOcEaNiNsUnSeT @sleepyhead_86]

@01rkive Happy Father’s Day to the Kim family 💙 Thanks for raising the best leader. Your dad looks so proud in both pics 🥹

[I'llSaiLtHeOcEaNiNsUnSeT @sleepyhead_86]

VAVA = วาวา — and it’s actually perfect for #teeteepor 😭✨

Literal meaning in Thai
"วาวา" (wa-wa) = shiny, glittery, sparkling, gleaming

Think:
- Light reflecting off water = วาวา
- Glitter, diamonds, stars twinkling = วาวา
- Something that catches the light and shines = วาวา

It’s not just "bright" — it’s that extra sparkly, eye-catching, can’t-look-away kind of shine.

Why it fits TeePor + us:
Por literally said "Tee and Por bought a star for everyone"→ "Dava Vava" = "Shiny Stars" 🌟 We ARE the stars they bought.

The vibe: Vava sounds cute, soft, playful. Like Tee + Por’s dynamic. Easy to chant. Easy to make merch with ✨

Tee = Sun ☀️
Por = Moon 🌙
Fans = Vava Stars ✨ We complete their sky. You called it.

"Let’s shine in the sky together for a long, long time".

So VAVA= the promise. We shine together Tee, Por, and us.

How to use it:
- "I’m a Vava" = "I’m a TeePor star" 💅
- Chant: "VAVA! VAVA!"
- Emojis: ✨🌟💫 All the sparkles

Thank you @twnpich and @porsuppakarn for giving us such a beautiful fandom name 🥹✨ From now on Vava will shine the brightest, beside you ☀️🌙 forever! #vava #วาวา

[porsuppakarn @porsuppakarn]

ไปส่องดูดาววาวากันได้นะค้าบทุกคนนน🤍☀️⭐️🌙 #vava #วาวา

https://t.co/yqZQiacS0J

[I'llSaiLtHeOcEaNiNsUnSeT @sleepyhead_86]

@01rkive Happy Father’s Day to the Kim family 💙 Thanks for raising the best leader. Your dad looks so proud in both pics 🥹

[I'llSaiLtHeOcEaNiNsUnSeT @sleepyhead_86]

You guys were INSANE on stage 🔥🔥. Thank you for working so hard for us 🥺 Watching you shine made TheX so proud. We'll always be here whether in front of stage or behind the screen. DMD THE RISE CONTINUES and we rise with you 💙💛 Keep going!! Fighting!

#DMDLINEUP2026
#DEXXth #DMDMUSIC

[I'llSaiLtHeOcEaNiNsUnSeT @sleepyhead_86]

@Jamessu_w Your turn is coming, dude 💙 we see how hard you work and how much you deserve it. Sending you hugs 🫂 thank you for being real with us. Cheering for you

#JamesSu

[I'llSaiLtHeOcEaNiNsUnSeT @sleepyhead_86]

For the mornings I’m learning to choose.

Before the sun finds me,
before the coffee turns warm in my hands, the quiet tells me I’m still behind.
Fear whispers I failed us.
That I should’ve held on tighter.

But healing isn’t a race.
It’s okay not to have the answers yet. It’s okay to put her down,
to say no to the weight.
I wasn’t made to carry us both forever.

I’m learning:
I can exhale without her name in my lungs. I can be uncertain and still be whole.
The ground shook, yes — but I’m still here, choosing me this morning.

Some loves I release, so I can keep myself.

Thanks for the words that hold me, @01rkive
They remind me it’s okay to heal.

[I'llSaiLtHeOcEaNiNsUnSeT @sleepyhead_86]

Translation:

"There are mornings when the air already feels heavy — before I even open my eyes, before my morning coffee, before checking social media, before the sun rises. I feel fear, worry, uncertainty. They often creep in quietly, whispering that I’m not doing well enough, that I should be further ahead in life. That others are 'better' than me, reminding me of world events, making me think about everything I can’t control. The news, the future, deadlines, and 'what if' thoughts. I try to shake them off over coffee. But fear doesn’t like being ignored. It’s built into us. An internal warning system trying to keep us safe. Sometimes it convinces us we’re not capable, that the ground beneath our feet is shaking and everything is uncertain. On days like that, I have to gently remind myself: It’s okay not to have all the answers. It’s okay not to know how everything will turn out. It’s okay not to understand. It’s okay to let some things go. We weren’t made to carry everything all at once. We’re allowed to put things down, to say no. It’s okay to release everything we can’t control."