Herschel Squirt

[Herschel Squirt @slopdrinker]

putting a dozen eggs in the dishwasher and running it cause my mom pissed me off

[Herschel Squirt @slopdrinker]

she touching my Pee-wee like i’m Herman.

[Old Man Rattle @OldRattleMan]

listening to pet sounds for the first time and orgasming for an hour straight

[Herschel Squirt @slopdrinker]

aluminum foid

[coolgirlonline @coolgirl0nline]

fat fuck barrel boy

[Herschel Squirt @slopdrinker]

@AllLoveCoco

[Herschel Squirt @slopdrinker]

they were on their way to be turned into arby’s steak nuggets

[Breaking911 @Breaking911]

🚨 BREAKING: Truck hauling ‘aggressive’ monkeys carrying hepatitis C, herpes & COVID overturns in Mississippi

Sheriff says all but one of the animals have been “destroyed.”

[Herschel Squirt @slopdrinker]

with their sponge and their bob and their bob and their sponge.
krusty krab, krusty krab and there’s plankton

[Herschel Squirt @slopdrinker]

my children reading my will after i die and it’s just my leftovers in the fridge

[Herschel Squirt @slopdrinker]

sure, fuck it.

[Herschel Squirt @slopdrinker]

my balls have unionized

[Herschel Squirt @slopdrinker]

bugs are BACK in a BIG way!

[Herschel Squirt @slopdrinker]

installing a feeding trough in my room

[Herschel Squirt @slopdrinker]

@moshashes it’s called gamer bagel and it tastes like shit

[Herschel Squirt @slopdrinker]

they make bagels for gamers now

[Herschel Squirt @slopdrinker]

broke one of my doohickeys now i need to create another gizmo to replace it :/

[Herschel Squirt @slopdrinker]

i don’t mean to sound ungrateful but whoever tucked me in last night did a shit job

[Herschel Squirt @slopdrinker]

got caught in a giant spider web again :/

[Herschel Squirt @slopdrinker]

gnome chomsky

[Herschel Squirt @slopdrinker]

@moshashes people will be more likely to buy them if they all have unique names and personalities

[Herschel Squirt @slopdrinker]

i always get so sleepy when someone dangles a pocket watch in front of my face