Shari Smith

Bananas make me vomit.

[Shari Smith @sltsm_smith]

@Ghyan0 @PicturesFoIder In Thailand my neice, a Thai 3 year old, was building a sandcastle & a random man started taking photos of her. I looked to my sister in law & asked if she knew him & she said "no, it's okay". My brother, told me it was just accepted that Thai people were to be used like that.

[Shari Smith @sltsm_smith]

‘How to plait your own hair’ - “1st you brush your hair into 3 equal parts, then bring the first section over the second with your right hand, hold the middle section with your left finger & bring the third section over when the your right finger…”
Me - *Still separating hair*

[Shari Smith @sltsm_smith]

@only_for_mdl Canadians kinda are generally though

[Shari Smith @sltsm_smith]

I still find myself singing this jingle. I'm the only person it worked on!
Sprite - The Taste of Sprite is Here... 1980's https://t.co/9w3dpiHcwx via @YouTube

[Shari Smith @sltsm_smith]

Summer screen picnic!
I arching Top Gun Maverik, which I have no interest in but… free film in the park!!! 🎥 🧺 🎞 🍹

[Supermassive Games @SuperMGames]

@ZachTinker We will forever treasure the live re-enactment of the Peanut Butter Butterpops dance 🕺

[Shari Smith @sltsm_smith]

@fifofumph @only_for_mdl @kermarshmallow @nakeefeet @Napchic The press have finally discovered the identity of the person who made him bounce.

[Shari Smith @sltsm_smith]

@stillicides I haven’t had the falling out dream but I’ve dreamed that they are crumbling or breaking out of my mouth all at once and I’m left with sharp spikes of enamel that cut up my tongue and lips.

[Shari Smith @sltsm_smith]

From my 1st job in the 90s to just now on the tube, the strongest stinkiest BO I’ve ever smelled is always from a young guy wearing Moschino.

[Shari Smith @sltsm_smith]

Why are people acting as if Catherine Tate has had surgery done? Her boobs have always been massive.

[Shari Smith @sltsm_smith]

There was me worried that the emergency test sound would upset the piggies. It didn’t even work on any of my devices!

[Shari Smith @sltsm_smith]

@CozyGrove Character design wise it’s Bea, story wise Lilian all the way.

[Shari Smith @sltsm_smith]

Anyway, look at the baby Guinea pig.

[Shari Smith @sltsm_smith]

@stillicides If I, as an individual member of staff, underperformed on the number of signups per week all the members of staff in my store would be held accountable & the manager would be given negative feedback/ restricted career options unless she lectured us into doing better. To sell data

[Shari Smith @sltsm_smith]

Paperchase pressured us to get every customer to sign up for the loyalty card and have now sold all those customers information to Tesco. Thanks for making us a part of that douchey move.

[Shari Smith @sltsm_smith]

So, my dear housing association, you’re proposing charging us for your own neglect of fire safety standards? Doesn’t that make you guys, how do I put this, a bunch of dicks? £100 irregularly, every time another thing fails a safety inspection you say? Yeah, a bunch of dicks.

[Shari Smith @sltsm_smith]

You know what I’ve noticed on Instagram comments? Women are referred to as females, and little girls, some barely toddlers, are referred to as women. Why is that not setting off alarms the way drag queens do?

[Shari Smith @sltsm_smith]

@stillicides She can also be used as a powder puff.

[Shari Smith @sltsm_smith]

@stillicides I have a baby Guinea pig to be friends with Kochanski. She is very tiny. That is all.

[Shari Smith @sltsm_smith]

More like ‘A scar on the two dozen other scars we pretended weren’t there’