Derek

[Derek @slug1590]

Serious question, how many P’s did P Diddy diddle if P Diddy did diddle P’s?

[Derek @slug1590]

Anyone else catch the resemblance between Jada’s side piece and Will Smith as the Genie? 😂😅

[Derek @slug1590]

@D1llyBear @markbland Lmao. You really hurt his feelings.

[Derek @slug1590]

@markbland @D1llyBear

[Derek @slug1590]

Here’s a snippet of my cover of Feathered Indians by Tyler Childers. The full cover is on my Facebook if you dabble with that. #gretsch #tylerchilders #coversongs https://t.co/9QhXuVybm9

[Derek @slug1590]

Doctor - “Ok so if you cut back on all the milk it will significantly help your allergies and sinuses as well as your stomach issues”

Me - “Haha. No I hear ya, Doc. So what do you suggest I dip my Oreos in?”

[Derek @slug1590]

Even the Queen of England gets shit on her hand sometimes, no matter how good the toilet paper.

[Derek @slug1590]

David Portnoy looks like Mark Zuckerbergs older, douchier brother that rarely showers and definitely has crabs.

[Derek @slug1590]

If I would’ve stared as intently at my school books when I was in school as my dogs stare at me now while I’m eating Taco Bell and watching Netflix, I guarantee I could’ve went to Harvard and became an astronaut.

[Derek @slug1590]

Bears. Beets. Battle of the Bastards.

Hurry up #GameOfThrones I can only watch The Office so many more times.

[Derek @slug1590]

Does anyone else think that Tekashi6ix9ine might be the one that snitched on Jussie Smollet? And also, what kind of names are Tekashi6ix9ine and Jussie Smollet?

[Derek @slug1590]

@KingAndTheSting podcast has me rolling! Props to @BrendanSchaub and @TheoVon. These dudes are hilarious together. “Pitbull looks like William Shatners’ blind son” 😂😂 Keep em coming fellas

[Derek @slug1590]

@JustinBerti So you wanna do something like this this weekend?

[Derek @slug1590]

Hey so for Christmas I got this sweet land drone. Unfortunately, since it’s a land drone I can’t take aerial photos or vids but this thing can get some pretty sweet footage of under your… https://t.co/lMkEhsZcPW

[Derek @slug1590]

Hey @netflix I really need you to turn off the “are you still watching” thing because I like to watch 3 seasons of The Office back to back before I get up to use the bathroom, let alone turn it off.

[Derek @slug1590]

It doesn’t matter how old you get, it will never not be weird running into one of your elementary school teachers in the buffet line at the strip club on a Sunday afternoon.

[Derek @slug1590]

@morwatson New phone who dis? 😉❤️

[Derek @slug1590]

@JustinBerti @MensHumor Lmao. Thanks sweetheart ❤️❤️

[Derek @slug1590]

@petro229 It’s October? Damn I must still be drunk from August. 😞

[Derek @slug1590]

@morwatson Love you too, toots