kelso

i'm kelsey a certified trivia and karaoke professional

[kelso @slug_lover]

being a woman and driving in Baltimore... iykyk

[kelso @slug_lover]

@Itsmodelotimeee you better not be lying because this would be the most iconic beautiful tasteful wedding ever don’t get my hopes up

[maya @mayareminders]

When the sex starts to feel like you’ve abandoned yourself for the illusion of connection

[kelso @slug_lover]

@starswheeled lol i also had this job. the best is when they’re like, “i’m in a rush i have an appointment to be at in 5 minutes!!” but they called me?? why did you call with 5 minutes to fix your issue i cannot make this process faster

[Karli Marulli @karlimarulli]

i would hope that healthcare professionals are trained to spot this type of pre-smothering behavior

[kelso @slug_lover]

@widelybeloved ride it!!!! bitch you cannot misquote the sacred texts

[kelso @slug_lover]

what’s his face from whatever the fuck really looks like marlon brando

[kelso @slug_lover]

@Caol_MacCormaic i’m a proofreader and my eye twitches daily bc copywriters just throw them in there willy nilly. there is a proper way to use them — shocking i know — and these professional writers haven’t figured it out yet.

[kelso @slug_lover]

i is, therefore, i am

[kelso @slug_lover]

@generationaldan @wastedmywhitney ew. wtf creep

[kelso @slug_lover]

we should end the monopoly Christians have on the word “righteous”

[kelso @slug_lover]

i can leave my towels in the dryer for 3 days after they’ve done one cycle but need another. i consider them parboiled. now 3 days in the washer would be unthinkable, but kind of blanching it enough from keeping it from getting stinky then finishing it later seems to work! :)

[kelso @slug_lover]

@widelybeloved might be AI deepfake?

[kelso @slug_lover]

@widelybeloved me making you sick on any porch swing we sit in together

[kelso @slug_lover]

everyone’s freaking birthday recently my god

[kelso @slug_lover]

@skyemcreid no looking beautiful and perfect

[Aelfred The Great @aelfred_D]

“For the last time, Mr. Wonka, I did not try any experimental gum, and frankly I find this entire line of questioning insulting.”

[kelso @slug_lover]

@Itsmodelotimeee same w my sister. early 2000s everyone was pushing bipolar disorder

[kelso @slug_lover]

just realize i have 5 years of twitter dm requests oops

[D U D E T H A T D R A W®🎨 @JrocJarvis]

The Indeed app still working yall !