spooky mulder

mentally ill shitposter who somehow runs two businesses. I mostly tweet things I think are hilarious but nobody else does.

[spooky mulder @slutforaliens]

Trying out threads, gimme a follow

https://t.co/58pwntByo3

[kira 🕊 @kirastrology]

“Mars in Taurus is an excavation process. It asks you to root out what can no longer stay, what can no longer remain hidden. It asks you to dig your heels in and push forward. It asks you to remember this is a marathon, not a sprint.”

[spooky mulder @slutforaliens]

sir, this is my emotional support Benadryl

[spooky mulder @slutforaliens]

People will say astrology is fake and then tell you their Myers-Briggs personality type.

[spooky mulder @slutforaliens]

It’s ok straight people, you can come out now

[spooky mulder @slutforaliens]

I think I accidentally developed a skin care routine. I don’t even know who I am anymore.

[spooky mulder @slutforaliens]

@disarmoury It was probably one of the worst days of my life honestly

[spooky mulder @slutforaliens]

been thinking a lot lately about how my dad catfished me on AIM when I was 12

[spooky mulder @slutforaliens]

I remember the first time I told someone about it, thinking it was a funny story. It was that moment I realized it was actually trauma.

[spooky mulder @slutforaliens]

He said it was to teach me a lesson on internet safety and not giving out my address online, but really he was fishing for information about me and my mom

[spooky mulder @slutforaliens]

I found out one day when I came home to all of our conversations printed out and my computer gone

[spooky mulder @slutforaliens]

I was much funnier when I was unmedicated, unstable, and angry all the time. Being zen has destroyed my sense of humor.

[spooky mulder @slutforaliens]

Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, Jack’s ass be dumptruck thicc

[spooky mulder @slutforaliens]

Astrology groups be like:

I’m a (sign) and this person is a (different sign). Why don’t we get along? They (enormous red flag). I just want to heal our issues!

[spooky mulder @slutforaliens]

You cannot fundamentally be a good person when you hoard more wealth than you could spend in a lifetime knowing that the rest of the world is starving. You absolutely cannot. Billionaires are objectively evil and I do not feel bad that there are a few less of them.

[spooky mulder @slutforaliens]

hey, i just met you, and this is crazy, but don't ever talk to me again, bye.

[spooky mulder @slutforaliens]

the horrors persist, but so do the memes

[spooky mulder @slutforaliens]

the worst thing about the billionaires dying on a submarine is that there aren’t more of them

[spooky mulder @slutforaliens]

sex is good but have you ever had a strangers cat jump into your lap?