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[$ @slutsinthepool]

Last night this bald guy told me that I looked like I hate myself

[$ @slutsinthepool]

Most cats use the litter box (💩) then immediately flee from the scene in case of predators?? But my blind cat just starts immediately screaming into the air for like 20 minutes then goes to bed

[$ @slutsinthepool]

How am I supposed to move back to Florida when this feels sweltering to me rn

[$ @slutsinthepool]

@HeatherCornelia U r so hot 🥵

[$ @slutsinthepool]

What are the rules for this because I always just pick one based on my mood

[$ @slutsinthepool]

Baby camel

[$ @slutsinthepool]

My spirit animal is the Quiznos spongmonkey

[$ @slutsinthepool]

Also when I said thanks she said “oh you’re American. That makes sense”

[$ @slutsinthepool]

Tonight a random girl came up to me and said “i love your outfit, it’s giving I don’t care.”

[$ @slutsinthepool]

In the UK you can’t buy melatonin without a prescription

[$ @slutsinthepool]

I think you can learn so much about someone by asking them what they do with their dead batteries

[Dont Show Your Cat @DontShowYourCat]

perfect synchronization

[$ @slutsinthepool]

I just want to build a little catio for my cats and every day I can’t do that for them shaves 1 year off my life

[$ @slutsinthepool]

The answer is the ambulance continued going to the crash

[$ @slutsinthepool]

My boyfriend just witnessed an ambulance, that was on its way to an emergency, get into a minor accident with another car in traffic. What does an ambulance do in that situation?

[$ @slutsinthepool]

I’m man enough to admit that I cannot and will not ever spell ophthalmology right

[$ @slutsinthepool]

@HeatherCornelia Mom?

[$ @slutsinthepool]

Sometimes when I make a post for the rescue insta i’ll go back and like it on my normal account to give it a lil boost but the issue is i always get hype about the notification when i switch back to the rescue account because I forgot it was me

[$ @slutsinthepool]

I have to pee so often every day that i just think if i was a dog who had to wait for somebody to let me outside i would have no choice but to absolutely destroy their carpets