Sam Miller

My hobbies include Netflix, Politics, Eating, and Attempting to be Funny. Smile =)

(he/him/his)

[Sam Miller @smile_sam]

I trust the GPS lady with my life. If she told me to go left after murdering someone, I’d do it

[Sam Miller @smile_sam]

@sequoiastweets Excited about this! Curious to see how this will work. I never consolidated my federal student loans and I wonder which loans this will forgive. Oldest? Newest? Highest interest? Even spread? My choice?

[Sam Miller @smile_sam]

You guys I started watching that new Marie Kondo show and honestly she sparks so much joy for me.

[Nicole Byer aka peppa pig slut @nicolebyer]

Lmao

[Sam Miller @smile_sam]

I always know I’m tired AF when I go to open my car door and it doesn’t open and I’m like what the fuck but then I remember I haven’t unlocked it

[Greg Edwards @GregtheGrouch]

All this hustle culture shit... Where is the "im tired" culture, im looking for the "my knees hurt" social media group. Where is the "i've been doing this shit for ever and this pandemic finally made my ass sit down and i kinda needed it" group.

[Sam Miller @smile_sam]

FIRE THEM.
These cops obviously don't give a fuck about public safety.

https://t.co/CSMSNmMA0e

[Sam Miller @smile_sam]

Why is it so hard for people to understand that a million dollars makes you wealthy but people with a million dollars are not the cause of major systemic issues.

Stop yelling at people buying $3 million houses and focus on BILLIONAIRES!
#AllBillionairesAreAPolicyFailure

[Sam Miller @smile_sam]

@netflix Why is Netflix getting rid of a feature that already exists? I just can't imagine this will benefit anyone. And I'm not like crazy mad, but it just seems strange to make your website worse when competition with other streaming apps is only growing. What's the reason?

[Sam Miller @smile_sam]

Me paying over $4 a gallon for gas:
“I shoulda been one of those crazy people that hoarded gas when it was crazy cheap.”

[Sam Miller @smile_sam]

Just saw a shirtless jogger wearing basketball shorts that said “FAITH” on the butt 🤨🤔

[Sam Miller @smile_sam]

tbh I’m excited for when the pandemic is over and I don’t have to constantly educate myself on science shit to stay alive.
I’m so tired of reading medical journals and science articles.

There’s a reason I wasn’t a bio major in college.

[Mark Elliott @markmobility]

Kudos to this Chattanooga mom telling a Tennessee school board that her daughter is now opting out of ALL school dress code restrictions. 😍😍😍

[Sam Miller @smile_sam]

Just overheard a woman tell a guy “well guess what baby it’s 2021 and that’s the year you’re fuckin up”

Honestly thought it was gonna be more motivational lol

[Sam Miller @smile_sam]

I feel like there should be a word that means like “deep love and appreciation for overhearing just brief parts of strangers’ conversations”

[Sam Miller @smile_sam]

I asked someone where a store was and they said La Mesa, and thanks said “never mind that’s too far.”

She’s like “not really just like a 15 minute drive.”

And then I had to explain that i basically never go east or north or south.

[Sam Miller @smile_sam]

Honestly starting to think it’s time to leave the country

[jordan @JordanUhl]

And we're told the alternative is too radical

[Rafael Shimunov 🍉 🕎 @rafaelshimunov]

Landlord to tenants:

Why don't you have 24 months of rent just in case of a pandemic? Your problem.

Landlord to banks:

What do you mean I should have 24 months of mortgage in case of a pandemic? That's not my fault.

[Sam Miller @smile_sam]

Absolutely bs that the crew is suspended. People like this guy fuckin deserve it.

The customer is usually wrong.

[Sam Sweeney @SweeneyABC]

Frontier passenger allegedly touched 2 flight attendants breasts, then screamed his parents are worth $2 million, before punching a flight attendant. Frontier suspended the crew for duct taping the passenger to his seat as they landed in Miami. 22 yr old Max Berry is in custody.