Smith

In the time of chimpanzees I was a guppy

[Smith @SmithCommaJane]

https://t.co/7Duf2dzWR4

[Smith @SmithCommaJane]

How embarrassing
#twitter
#MyXAnniversary

[Smith @SmithCommaJane]

@NoContextBrits Are You Being Served

[Smith @SmithCommaJane]

I adore when men claim women need men more than men need women because of....and then list inventions that came during the industrial revolution. Cool, so, using this logic men prior to this time were also useless in your eyes?

[Smith @SmithCommaJane]

Men: (said to women who they think fear being alone)
You're gunna end up alone with a cat!!!

Also men: I need to make sure I have another one lined up before I breakup with this one, but I'm not afraid of being alone

[Smith @SmithCommaJane]

I haven't celebrated valentines day since 2007 when a dude made me and another girl the same "I choo choo chose you" card, and there was a picture of a train. I'm not kidding. Hand drawn. Twice. For 2 different girls. Nothing will ever beat that
#whatsyourbestvalentinesdaystory

[Smith @SmithCommaJane]

As if Pete Davidson's netflix spesh is the best I've seen in a long time. Thanks for bringing jokes back to comedy

[Smith @SmithCommaJane]

Did anyone else have a crush on the Hamburglar as a kid that's now realizing a lot about themselves and their dating patterns as an adult?

[Smith @SmithCommaJane]

Crimson and clover and Colby Smulders

[Smith @SmithCommaJane]

I loath when people begin emails with "I hope this email finds you well"

it did not...it found me poorly

[Smith @SmithCommaJane]

George Clooney was like “naaah” before he was like “yaaaaasss” and I guess I’m just gunna hold out for that type of man

[Smith @SmithCommaJane]

Bumble: you missed a potential match!!!
Me: the fuck I did
I meant my swipe

[Smith @SmithCommaJane]

Remembering all the times my ex flipped on me over my mom (who lives with autism) would accidentally say “if you are both together that long” in conversation…..K BUT WAS SHE WRONG?

[Smith @SmithCommaJane]

I was a main character in your story but for me, you were a bad season where the writers went on strike and the interns had to takeover and they had no clue what to do so they were like “I know, let’s make her fall in love with someone incredibly bad for her”

[Smith @SmithCommaJane]

If you’re an unstoppable force and you meet an immovable object, walk the f*ck around it

[Smith @SmithCommaJane]

Math is our universal language and love is our universal saviour

[Smith @SmithCommaJane]

@PicturesFoIder Isn’t this a paradox? There’s supposed to be a variable that you would distribute the coefficient to and then math it but since there’s no variable it’s a paradox….or some smart shit I don’t actually fully understand

[Smith @SmithCommaJane]

Gunna go for a showie 🚿
A Showie Mandel

[Smith @SmithCommaJane]

When I women steps into her full power, either rise up or get out of her way. I guess I should thank you for getting the f*ck out of my way

[Smith @SmithCommaJane]

@ElonMuskAOC say?? who says things to strangers in an elevator?

[Smith @SmithCommaJane]

@TorrensJonathan The littlest Hobo!!! Showed my gen z friends and prefeced with: OK, I know Hobo is a derogatory term....but this is a doggy so hear me out ll