Sonja Lavooij

if you ask nicely, I’ll let you email me.

[Andy Slye @slye]

That feeling when your girlfriend from high school finally gets engaged.

I used to tell myself: Andrew, it’ll be ok. She wasn’t right for you.

I just hope her husband isn’t some handsome buff football player.

[Sonja Lavooij @smlafoy]

Having to do pilates with an upset stomach has to be one of the circles of hell.

[Sonja Lavooij @smlafoy]

I wonder what the divorce rate is of people who decide to buy tiny homes.

[Sonja Lavooij @smlafoy]

I had a nightmare last night that I forgot my water bottle during a workout class and woke up parched af.

[Sonja Lavooij @smlafoy]

Forever wanting to be Buttercup, forever a Bubbles.

[Sonja Lavooij @smlafoy]

Ik it’s spooky season, but it’d be cool if that didn’t entail a bat in my basement sink.

[Sonja Lavooij @smlafoy]

I told my grandpa it’s 85+ outside and he told me to open the window 😭

[Sonja Lavooij @smlafoy]

Sometimes I think back to when I was going on first dates, and cringe. Like a guy made me cookies, and made me try them in front of him? And instead of being like oh these are great, I told him how dry they were.

[Sonja Lavooij @smlafoy]

I legit don’t understand why my body is constipated after flying for days… until I’m at the airport to go home. Like- you don’t wanna wait a few more hours? You’re making me do this here?

[Sonja Lavooij @smlafoy]

I love being around kids because I can call them the weirdest nicknames and they don’t care.

[Sonja Lavooij @smlafoy]

I’m on a crack ass of dawn flight, when I sit down there’s some loud music playing. I proceed to give dirty looks to everyone around me to then realize that the airplane is the one playing the music and I just look like a bitch 😅 clearly I’m not a morning person.

[Jaime Harrison @harrisonjaime]

I see folks have forgotten how bad things were during the Trump administration — so let's set the record straight.

Donald Trump:
–Laid the groundwork for abortion bans and the assault on reproductive freedom
–Led an insurrection
–Lost 2.9 million jobs
–Ballooned the deficit
–Presided over the longest government shutdown in U.S. history
–Cozied up to dictators and disrespected our allies
–Called white supremacists at Charlottesville “very fine people”
–Cut taxes for the ultra-rich and corporations
–Banned people from several Muslim-majority countries from entering the U.S.
–Separated families at the border
–Pulled out the Paris Climate Agreement
–Botched America’s COVID response
–Was impeached twice
–And more!

Another 4 years would be even worse.

[Sonja Lavooij @smlafoy]

Last night I popped an edible to pack for my roadtrip, and was like wow I should make a bag for my dog and fill it with all her stuff, packed her leash and that’s it. I was like wow I forgot how low maintenance she is…. LIKE SHE DOESNT NEED OTHER THINGS FOR A WEEK.

[Jo @JoJoFromJerz]

In the state of Missouri a 14-year old can carry an AR-15 in public but a pregnant woman in an abusive marriage cannot divorce her abusive husband.

Please do go on about how this isn’t a war against women, won’t you.
https://t.co/x3CSTaaiCv

[𝓐. ♡ *:･ﾟ✧ @negraesoterica]

things women are punished for:

- being mothers
- not being mothers
- being religious
- not being religious
- having sex bc “whore”
- not having sex bc “prude”
- dating within their race bc male entitlement
- dating outside of their race bc male entitlement
- getting married
- not getting married
- being stay at home wives/moms
- being working wives/moms
- being the family breadwinner
- not being the breadwinner
- having any political or ideological leaning or opinion ever
- playing video games
- not playing video games
- being into sports bc it’s “fake”
- not being into sports bc she’s “vapid and too girly”

non-exhaustive list btw

[Sonja Lavooij @smlafoy]

To make myself feel better, I compare myself to Daniel Radcliffe when he wore the same fit to throw off the paparazzi… when I wear the same sweatsuit multiple days to the grocery store.

[Sonja Lavooij @smlafoy]

It’s funny that even in tv cop shows, the most common bad guy is a white guy.

[Sonja Lavooij @smlafoy]

I went to the dentist for a cleaning today. And all I could think about was how I hadn’t plucked the black hair off my chin.

[Sonja Lavooij @smlafoy]

I just realized my gym has better electrical than my house. I can’t run the microwave and air fryer at the same time in the kitchen and this shit has multiple ellipticals and stair steppers plugged in.