David Roberts

pro nerd. retired music person. rule of threes adherent.

[David Roberts @smoip]

All of you who are opposed to X are just as bad as the people who are militantly into X. Only I, a bodiless brain floating in thick, briny liquid, know the exact right opinion on X, and I will only dispense it via needlessly arch tweets.

[David Roberts @smoip]

@HawleyMO Hey man you should google how a grand jury works. You could pick up the fundamentals in a few minutes if you wanted to

[ProPublica @propublica]

New: Island-hopping on a superyacht. Private jet rides around the world. The undisclosed gifts to Thomas have no known precedent in the modern history of the Supreme Court. “It’s incomprehensible to me that someone would do this,” says one former judge. https://t.co/dHTdQmV5Ys

[jake @tony_magoni]

The movie “Zardoz” takes place in 2023, so get ready for everyone to start dressing like this

[David Roberts @smoip]

@How2Drink There’s no answer you can give people who crawl out of the woodwork to “well actually” you that will satisfy them. Your show is great, and I appreciate the thought and research you put into it. Mute the trolls.

[Jason Pargin, author of John Dies at the End, etc @JasonKPargin]

It’s time for the tree clown to awaken

[David Roberts @smoip]

@DrDeComposing Original tweet in thread will often go unavailable when I click through to thread

[David Roberts @smoip]

My most salient line of code:

const nextIndexIndex = indexList.indexOf(nextIndex)

[Lindy Li @lindyli]

Many people are saying that the man who pelted Ted Cruz with a beer can is actually his gay lover who’s jealous he hasn’t left Heidi

As Elon said, there’s a tiny possibility there might be more to this story than meets the eye 😉

[soul nate @MNateShyamalan]

elon musk [parody] [humor] [any individuals in this text (referred to henceforth as “the tweet”) are named on a satirical basis] [the tweet is not a statement of fact, with protection as codified in 17 USC §107 & affirmed in Hustler Mag v Falwell (1988)]: boy i love sippin piss

[David Roberts @smoip]

Okay, he appears to be a tobacco hornworm, based on my googling. He’ll metamorphose into a sphinx moth. Which is arguably a pest. But idk, he’s also a pollinator. So he gets to stay. He was probably eating my tomatoes.

[David Roberts @smoip]

Check out this little dude. We had to move some large planters inside while workmen are doing repairs on our balcony, and he must’ve hitched a ride. One of the cats found him trying to chrysalis up on the carpet.
Popped him in a jar with air holes.
I guess he’s wintering with us

[David Roberts @smoip]

Pretty sure he’s good to (as long as I didn’t injure him too badly detaching him from my office floor), but are there any moth/butterfly people that have tips? He just hangs out until he cocoons, right?

[David Roberts @smoip]

With enough time, all American companies will inevitably give up on whatever they used to do and switch to one of:
a) hamburger
b) iced coffee
c) streaming service

This is nature’s law.

[David Roberts @smoip]

I don’t want lower taxes, I want a functioning society.

[Laura Bassett @LEBassett]

A Missouri woman whose water broke at 17 weeks, whose fetus was dying inside of her and threatening her life, was denied an abortion. She called a GOP state senator to beg for help getting around the law, and he sent her to an anti-abortion center. https://t.co/gKPJmflhYK

[David Roberts @smoip]

Just before we reach the apex (“bustin makes me feel good”), we crossfade into Bringing Sexy Back. This is a crime. This is violence. This is violation of the sacred contract between DJ and listener.

[David Roberts @smoip]

I’m livid. Never been more insulted in my life. At a wedding. After over an hour of mediocre nostalgia music, DJ starts playing Ray Parker Jr.’s Ghostbusters. You have my attention. I’m singing along. I’m dancing.

[David Roberts @smoip]

If election deniers don’t believe in the election process, why are they trying to get elected? Surely winning in a rigged game would be proof of your collaboration with the deep state or whoever you believe is doing the rigging?