smoofinator

If you're reading this, I'm drunk

[smoofinator @smoofinator]

Everyone Pitched in to Save This Dog https://t.co/wPNarPeMKZ

[smoofinator @smoofinator]

@DonaldJTrumpJr Can someone who has 1,000 times more patience than me explain to this oxygen-pit why these are different?

[smoofinator @smoofinator]

When you get blurry photos or videos, it’s not because of your Android friend—it’s because Apple needs to fix it. Help @Apple #GetTheMessage
https://t.co/QhHjXNbdGH

[smoofinator @smoofinator]

@AurelieBenoit4 @besttoeverdoit6 @TBLightning List the actual things that lead to the TB Lightning winning over other teams because of Covid. Lack of fans? Masked staff? Completely cutoff from society in general? Yep, sounds like they had a huge advantage... ya fucks.

[smoofinator @smoofinator]

@besttoeverdoit6 @TBLightning I guess they were just waiting for your salty, busted ass to share these truths. Thank you, saltier-than-actual-jerky stranger for highlighting these things.

[smoofinator @smoofinator]

@RaddyshFan @TBLightning He's less crap than a lot of season-acquired bros. His track record is great and inspired concern (from Hawks fans) for the trade in the first place. We made out imo

[smoofinator @smoofinator]

@TBLightning I can't like this. This is gross

[smoofinator @smoofinator]

No one who has a Twitter account does it altruisticly. No one thinks, "I'm starting this account for society!" They want to bitch about @Doritos or complain about some other crap enough to make people pay attention to them. #imdoingitrightnow

[smoofinator @smoofinator]

@simoncholland He isn't not correct

[smoofinator @smoofinator]

This Thanksgiving, I'm thankful for Lunesta, peanut butter whiskey, and autpcotrect. Oh, and the Oxford fukxihg comma. #Thanksgiving2021

[smoofinator @smoofinator]

@TedDansonBDay This is the only Twitter account whose posts don't make me weep (usually)

[smoofinator @smoofinator]

@BenFolds I love your awkward podcasts. Oh yeah, and your dope ass music I've been listening to for 20 years. That podcast tho...

[smoofinator @smoofinator]

@LowmanX @nickkroll Agree 1000%. He's fucking hilarious

[smoofinator @smoofinator]

@pitbull @dave_schilling And, um, that's why we love you (?)

[smoofinator @smoofinator]

@Sethrogen Loved Yearbook. Thanks for being a reasonably normal human being in all this. Wendy's fries dipped in a Frosty are bangin ass shit, for real.

[smoofinator @smoofinator]

@pushbullet Can't find contact info for you besides social media. I cancelled my pro account months ago, but I've just been charged $40. Happy to provide the rest of my account info.

[Indigenous @AmericanIndian8]

#INDIGENOUS #TAIRP

[Peter Egan @PeterEgan6]

Please join me : I've signed @Animal_Equality's petition calling for an end to the sale of foie gras made by force-feeding, will you join me? #BanForceFeeding https://t.co/BTFBkWJEcq

[smoofinator @smoofinator]

@ConanOBrien Just started listening to your podcast. I remember when you had really hairy balls on @AdamSandler's first album. You have been hilarious your entire career and you're one of my favorite humans ever. Thanks for making the world less shitty.

[smoofinator @smoofinator]

@BillBailey There's something afoot here