snarkandlemons

When life gives you 🍋’s it’s okay to bitch about it. User of twitter to make my IG pretty🤷‍♀️ Follow on IG ➡️ @snarkandlemons

[snarkandlemons @snarkandlemons]

At this point I’m definitely more of a roll model than a role model

[snarkandlemons @snarkandlemons]

No one tells you how difficult it is to complete a thought once you become a mother.

[snarkandlemons @snarkandlemons]

I’m aging more like an opened bottle of wine than a fine wine.

[snarkandlemons @snarkandlemons]

Was it the moon or sleep regression?

~parenting questions unanswered

[snarkandlemons @snarkandlemons]

“Ohhhhhhhh, that’s so nice”

My 3 year old watching the scissors glide through the wrapping paper with one glorious cut.

[snarkandlemons @snarkandlemons]

Elfuckery: The bullshit you come up with for your Elf on the Shelf.

[snarkandlemons @snarkandlemons]

So am I just basting the turkey in
CBD oil this year?

[sixfootcandy @sixfootcandy]

Friend: "Only 53 shopping days until Christmas!"

Me: "I have plenty of time."

[52 days later]

Me: "Oh f**k."

[Adam @adamgreattweet]

just thought that by this point in my life technology would allow us to smell the food featured on a cooking show

[Mommy Needs a Life @momneedsalife3]

I’m never more annoyed at my kid than when they’re acting exactly like me.

[snarkandlemons @snarkandlemons]

If someone thinks you are an asshole for setting boundaries I promise you, you are not the asshole.

[snarkandlemons @snarkandlemons]

It wouldn’t be a holiday weekend if I wasn’t debating calling the doctor.

[snarkandlemons @snarkandlemons]

@IHideFromMyKids That’s the dream.

[Mommy Needs a Life @momneedsalife3]

I don’t understand people who do things after work. After work I just want to lie down and die.

[snarkandlemons @snarkandlemons]

@twinstantfamily 😆😆

[Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻‍♀️ @maryfairybobrry]

My favorite adult hack is when I carefully and thoughtfully put something very important away so I can’t lose it and then I never find it again

[snarkandlemons @snarkandlemons]

If you like to hear every second of the day dictated by a tiny person with no volume control then parenting might be for you

[snarkandlemons @snarkandlemons]

Today my toddler pointed out the dark circles under my eyes. It was almost like she was admiring her work.

[snarkandlemons @snarkandlemons]

My 4 year old said she was done with me.

Her immediate need for a snack proved that was a lie.

[Mommy Owl @Mommy__Owl]

My friend said that once you have a baby it will take about 10 yrs for you to have your independence again. You‘ll emerge from your shell looking for every opportunity to party like you’re in your 20s except you’re in your 40s with a 9PM bedtime and under eye bags to think about.