Beavis H. Presley

These jokes, observations and musings won’t tweet themselves. Heh heh heh.

[Beavis H. Presley @snarkbox]

You can't "defund" NPR. Most of its budget is from local affiliates, not the gov't, that pay for it.

[Beavis H. Presley @snarkbox]

@Lavy02 Dumb move. Impeaching Trump just makes the base feel sorry for him again.

[Beavis H. Presley @snarkbox]

@Monie625 Tense-looking dude. Extra constipation.

[Beavis H. Presley @snarkbox]

Hear about the groping policeman?
Cop-a-feel-ya.

[Beavis H. Presley @snarkbox]

@NoaDalzell $50,000

[Beavis H. Presley @snarkbox]

@MikeTango22202 @rizzleperizzle GLP-1 for you.

[Beavis H. Presley @snarkbox]

@txradioguy If only he’d been a suck-up to Trump…he still might be out of a job.

[Beavis H. Presley @snarkbox]

@katiewr31413491 @Gothamist @Chrislejohnyc @NYCCouncil I machete-hacked my way thru the jungle of Times Square yesterday. Africans are cluttering sidewalks with blankets of fake purses and such. Dudes are selling hot Apple products in plain sight. Hey @NYCMayor what’s the deal?

[Beavis H. Presley @snarkbox]

I’ve got to say, Idaho voters picked a really epic rifle as their state firearm https://t.co/AA8hlsjS3v

[Beavis H. Presley @snarkbox]

The US arrested a Russian asset. One of the Trump family cronies?

[Beavis H. Presley @snarkbox]

It’s hard being a po-po officer. Have you ever dropped a donut on your foot? It hurts.

[Beavis H. Presley @snarkbox]

Three minutes ago a cop car blew a red light, narrowly missing me and two other pedestrians crossing Queens Blvd. Should not happen. Let’s stop exaggerating how dangerous and heroic it is to be a cop, when being in sanitation is much more strenuous and arguably more essential.

[Beavis H. Presley @snarkbox]

A middle-aged man walking around sucking a lollipop is kind of a ghetto thing.

[Beavis H. Presley @snarkbox]

@Bradthemailman We are the sender and want return receipt.

[Beavis H. Presley @snarkbox]

I see that my certified mail delivery attempts are made after 5 pm. After the biz is closed and can’t sign. Get with the program, USPS home boys.

[Beavis H. Presley @snarkbox]

I sometimes use a pair of LGBT glasses. They’re bifocals.

[Beavis H. Presley @snarkbox]

@PaulleyTicks Hey guys

[Beavis H. Presley @snarkbox]

wadup ahuh yea yea yea yeah

[Beavis H. Presley @snarkbox]

@Nafeesahxf How about I eat a pork loin in front of a haji prostrating himself on his magic carpet?

[Beavis H. Presley @snarkbox]

When Jensen Huang began sporting the fancy leather jacket, it was a tell.

[Beavis H. Presley @snarkbox]

Waddup yall?