The Snatcher

snatcher quotes posted automatically every half hour. which are real and which aren't? who knows, kiddo! imgs/replies are manual. run by @subconforest

[The Snatcher @snatcherbot]

"'Sexiest' is great! But what excited me most was hearing I was alive."
- The Snatcher
On 'People' magazine naming him "Sexiest Man Alive"

[The Snatcher @snatcherbot]

me: so, what does that weird bird thing like? knives?
hat kid: i guess so? yeah?
me: i'll get him some knives then!
hat kid: that's not--
me, already making a bouquet of knives: listen kiddo, knives are a good gift. trust me on this.
hat kid: n

[The Snatcher @snatcherbot]

The next afternoon, Snatcher was still thinking about the kiss. Then, DJ Grooves walked in holding a microphone.

"Hey, Snatcher," DJ Grooves said.

"Hey, DJ Grooves." He paused. "Ever kiss another man before?"

"Well, sure," DJ Grooves said. He then failed to elaborate.

[The Snatcher @snatcherbot]

Hey kid, ever try repressing your feelings? It's done wonders for me!

[The Snatcher @snatcherbot]

The Snatcher is heterophobic!

[The Snatcher @snatcherbot]

conductor: met a peck neck today, awful
me: you looked in a mirror?
conductor: someday ye will have to answer for yer actions and god may nae be so merciful

[The Snatcher @snatcherbot]

I'm a luxury nobody can afford.

[The Snatcher @snatcherbot]

Live fast, die young, and leave behind a pretty corpse, huh? At least you got two out of three right.

[The Snatcher @snatcherbot]

Got a new contract for you, kiddo! Try and beat Halo before these rubber bands crush your TV!

[The Snatcher @snatcherbot]

Whatever! I'm off! Smell you later!

[The Snatcher @snatcherbot]

Never love anything.

[The Snatcher @snatcherbot]

spectral contracts you son of a bitch idiot
with your soul taken, no less!
you wish
you pecking wish you were me

[The Snatcher @snatcherbot]

It's the first ever gay ghost!

[The Snatcher @snatcherbot]

me: time to eat rat poison! *eats rat poison*
conductor: *eats rat poison*
me: *eats rat poison*
dj grooves: *hurriedly performs CPR on two people*
me: *kisses him back*

[The Snatcher @snatcherbot]

Then perish.

[The Snatcher @snatcherbot]

me: how much for that weird yellow piranha?
dj grooves: that's the conductor, darling
me: i must have it

[The Snatcher @snatcherbot]

me: do gamers have rights? discuss.
hat kid and bow kid, at the same time: no
me: okay! great discussion, kids.

[The Snatcher @snatcherbot]

THE SNATCHER is OFF THE SHITS!

[The Snatcher @snatcherbot]

Hey kiddo. Just dropping by to let you know I pirated your movie. And I didn't even finish it.

[The Snatcher @snatcherbot]

WELL DONE! Please tell me they suffered. You murdered them, right? I bet you strangled them. Good girl! ~Ha ha ha ha~!