Secretariatsoffspring

A rare combination of speed and stamina

[Secretariatsoffspring @somethinggroyal]

Taking aura out of the equation…the Delaware memorial bridge is objectively more structurally aesthetic and impressive than the Golden Gate Bridge #hottake #delaware #peak

[Secretariatsoffspring @somethinggroyal]

Lebronnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

Officially better than mj because he went to my favorite team

[Secretariatsoffspring @somethinggroyal]

Southern mfs will treat their pickup trucks with more respect then they used to for slaves

[Joel Embiid @JoelEmbiid]

ROUND 1 ✅
Boston, please be classy my friends! I still love and respect you!!

[Secretariatsoffspring @somethinggroyal]

I have things to say…but I can’t say them bc I blacked out #woke #gay #kamalaharris

[Secretariatsoffspring @somethinggroyal]

I am a good person… buttttt Danny has other things to say he wants me to know that he has a tough time laying off the blow #inthesameboat #igetit

[Secretariatsoffspring @somethinggroyal]

Just read thru my old tweets. I have a big day tomorrow. I’m bringing that same juice #fucktrinity

[Secretariatsoffspring @somethinggroyal]

What’s the better album??

Teenage Dream - Katy Perry
Graduation - Kanye West

I can’t name a song from either album that I wouldn’t listen to

[Secretariatsoffspring @somethinggroyal]

I want my pilot to be a white man, I want my surgeon to be an Asian man, I want my nurse to be a white woman, I want my barista to be a Mexican woman, and lastly, I want my Jersey mikes sandwich crafter to be a hood black guy starving bc ik he’s gonna make it good as he wants it

[Secretariatsoffspring @somethinggroyal]

This whole earthquake thing was so predictable. Giant quake no doubt, but people calling for the tsunami to end all tsunamis was so cringe. NOTHING EVER HAPPENS. It was a lock that it would be chill.

[Secretariatsoffspring @somethinggroyal]

I miss the St. Louis Rams

[Secretariatsoffspring @somethinggroyal]

Miner from clash Royale lowkey looks like Magnus carlsen #clashroyale #clash #magnuscarlsen #chess

[Secretariatsoffspring @somethinggroyal]

Christian Pulisic you are a TWINK!! We get the chance to fuck these Mexicans up in a final and u don’t wanna play?? Might as well send ICE to deport you!! Fuck man @realDonaldTrump

[Secretariatsoffspring @somethinggroyal]

Top 3 utter woke nonsense:

3) stingy Dunkin employees - billion $ company just give me free cold foam.

2) Justin Trudeau - no explanation needed, total clown.

1) highway speed traps - what happened to watching out for the cops. Next generation won’t even know about it.

[Secretariatsoffspring @somethinggroyal]

Truly curious who has more aura: Michael Caine as Alfred in the Dark Knight trilogy or Morgan Freeman as Lucien? Also begs a similar question: which actor in general has more aura? Simple answer says Morgan, but upon further consideration I think it’s way closer than you think.

[Secretariatsoffspring @somethinggroyal]

Monday has always been perceived as this end-all-be-all “worst day of the week.” Which makes sense, in theory, until you experience a Monday with no looming responsibilities and a weekend kicker unprecedented to anything you’ve seen in recent memory. Then Monday is the best. 🍻🍷

[Secretariatsoffspring @somethinggroyal]

After all these years, one of the mysteries of March madness is how Tru TV has been able to retain 1/4th of March madness coverage in the year 2025. Whichever intern suggested back in ‘02ish that they should snag some ncaa college hoops tourney coverage action should be rich.

[Secretariatsoffspring @somethinggroyal]

Would u rather party with college Jay Cutler or 2015 frosted tips OBJ in the offseason? Fuck man… fuck.

[Secretariatsoffspring @somethinggroyal]

Top guys to drink with

1) “we should get a bag”
2) guy who’s 9am just got cancelled for the next day
3) guy who is pretty solid at pool but not too much of a sweat
4) Johnny Manziel
5) The guy who keeps asking to shotgun but isn’t annoying about it
6) tate McRae
7) no play guy

[Nick Carraway @nick_carraway_4]

Mount Rushmore of embarrassing Valentine’s Day story posts (for guys)

1. Doing a face mask with girlfriend
2. Embarrassing lying down on girlfriend’s shoulder selfie
3. Guy posting a really neat story collage of framed pictures (stick with one partially zoomed out photo bro)