Sophia Anthony

[Sophia Anthony @sophia_anthony]

@AHS_Warranty we have now waited 8 weeks with no replacement of our furnace when it’s in the 30s outside. How do we resolve this. Sincerely, can’t feel my toes

[Sophia Anthony @sophia_anthony]

My 15 year old brother is starting his first job at ACE hardware, anyone in Mckinleyville want to make a quick 20 bucks? Go buy rope and duct tape from him and tell him you’re burying a body

[Sophia Anthony @sophia_anthony]

My worst and most frequent typo is ;) instead of :) in LinkedIn messages, giving a “do you want a job?” A very different vibe.

[Sophia Anthony @sophia_anthony]

A cry for help if I’ve ever seen one

[Sophia Anthony @sophia_anthony]

A friendly note from your recruiter: if you save your resume to your desktop as “ Brianz sick background.pdf” it will show up in my inbox as “Brianz sick background.pdf” and you won’t get the job

[Sophia Anthony @sophia_anthony]

Spilled an entire bag of chia seeds on my floor and now my dog won’t stop farting is there a correlation or does today just suck lmk

[Sophia Anthony @sophia_anthony]

I know I’m not ready for kids because I refer to Trader Joe’s tiny avocados as “cute” more often than any baby I know

[Sophia Anthony @sophia_anthony]

I reminded my boss about my dog’s birthday next week and he responded in a completely serious way about bringing in “pupcakes” so if you wanted to know how life is. It’s great.

[Sophia Anthony @sophia_anthony]

Then, to squash any feeling I had of individuality, he had me show my ID to prove I wasn’t missing

[Sophia Anthony @sophia_anthony]

Then he pulled out a photo of another basic looking white brunette girl and said “we’re trying to locate a missing person”

[Sophia Anthony @sophia_anthony]

A concerned cop stopped me in my car today and asked if my name was Stephanie. When I told him no he responded with “are you sure?”

[Sophia Anthony @sophia_anthony]

Attn: if you’re looking for more optimistic people in Seattle go to any car wash mid April

[Sophia Anthony @sophia_anthony]

Met a guy tonight with two cats. The only reason I didn’t write him off completely is that their names are slim and shady.

[Sophia Anthony @sophia_anthony]

“Your first date to the movie you didn’t watch” - smells a little bit like boys Abercrombie but not as overwhelming

[Sophia Anthony @sophia_anthony]

“The mediocre massage because mama needed a break” - smells like lavender and honey

[Sophia Anthony @sophia_anthony]

“Holiday expectations before awkward family dynamics you repressed” -smells like pine needles and cinnamon

[Sophia Anthony @sophia_anthony]

“That cocktail that led to your first one night stand” - smells like piña colada and hibiscus

[Sophia Anthony @sophia_anthony]

You provide good smelling wax. I provide aesthetically pleasing packaging but with better, more accurate names

[Sophia Anthony @sophia_anthony]

PSA I need a business partner, skilled in the art of candle making

[Sophia Anthony @sophia_anthony]

This weekend a girl I used to babysit (now 14) was caught hiding in the bushes to avoid an awkward interaction with a boy she no longer likes. I didn’t know how to tell her it’s not much better at 25.