Sordid Steve

If I could sum up my life in one line I would die of embarrassment

[Sordid Steve @SordidSteve]

hi

[Sordid Steve @SordidSteve]

Sweet Bill Murray Christmas "Sweater": https://t.co/n4UAZ1cBei

[Sordid Steve @SordidSteve]

Rhinos are really just old, fat unicorns. Don't argue. U know i'm right.

[Sordid Steve @SordidSteve]

Me: I'd like to report a disturbance. Police Dispatcher: Okay, where sir? Me: In the force, I can feel it.

[Sordid Steve @SordidSteve]

I won't be impressed with science until I can download a waffle.

[Sordid Steve @SordidSteve]

I can never remember, is it "break a leg" or "choke and die"? My niece looked pretty upset.

[Sordid Steve @SordidSteve]

New warning label: Quitting cigarettes significantly increases the amount of money you will have for pot.

[Sordid Steve @SordidSteve]

"The greatest thing about twitter is that you can quote something & totally make up the source." ~ Abraham Lincoln, 1862

[Sordid Steve @SordidSteve]

Made a Freudian slip, with my ex-wife. I meant to say: "Hello" but actually said: "You silly cow, you've ruined my life."

[Sordid Steve @SordidSteve]

You may call it "alcohol abuse" but I've never heard alcohol complain.

[Sordid Steve @SordidSteve]

My daughter may only be one year old today, but she retrieves beer from the fridge at a fourth grade level.

[Sordid Steve @SordidSteve]

Every 3 seconds, a girl with a pink cell phone case uses the wrong "your."