Mimon Sortimer

Ushering in late capitalism. Likes: fancy ties, goatees. Dislikes: poor people, germs, messy hair, unions.

[Mimon Sortimer @sortimer]

Well, shit.

[Mimon Sortimer @sortimer]

Now that we're forcing a ratification vote, I'm just going to get paid the big bucks to sit around and do nothing! I was a bit worried I'd have to come back to the table and do a day's work. This is the life... #yachtlife #lazywednesday

[Mimon Sortimer @sortimer]

Dammit, @ForkUPresident I was hoping to take another week off. Dragging me back to the table now is so rude. Better read up on the issues, and about @cupe3903comms last counter real quick. Or, I could just come unprepared again. Actually, yeah. That sounds good. Unprepared it is

[Mimon Sortimer @sortimer]

Was someone looking for me this week? Something about bargaining? No? Okay. Guess I'll go back to twiddling my thumbs on my yacht next week, too. #weekendwisdom #lazysaturday #lazyeveryday

[Mimon Sortimer @sortimer]

@jadeddoc Oh, definitely. I'll be able to get loads new fancy blazers and ties to wear. And I need to talk to Bev Oda's Orange juice supplier, too...

[Mimon Sortimer @sortimer]

@STRIKE_TO_WIN @3903SpiderMan @YorkUPresident You say prolonging a strike, I say paying me more money every hour I'm still needed! Need to pay for my south of France mansion, just like the finance minister...

[Mimon Sortimer @sortimer]

@Geese4Cupe3903 @rankandfile3903 @YUFAyorku Whoa. Hold on! Hot cocoa sure sounds like warming paraphernalia! Which is absolutely not allowed on the @cupe3903comms / @rankandfile3903 picket lines, according to the super-official, reasonable, and fair picket protocols we at York created for you to manage your strike with...

[Mimon Sortimer @sortimer]

@enemyofthesuun @rankandfile3903 @HicksMorley Isn't feminism that thing from the 70s where women burned stuff? Sorry. I've been too busy blocking union certification drives to catch anything else happening... all just par for the course for a $700-per-hour fancy lawyer practicing union busting labour law.

[Mimon Sortimer @sortimer]

@Geese4Cupe3903 Memes are too much fun. Which means that, as a fancy, Bay Street lawyer, I'm not allowed to make any. I also get paid to threaten meme-makers, and use @rankandfile3903 memes as a pretext to delay bargaining. So, lots of memes this week. And look how little bargaining! #doingmyjob

[Mimon Sortimer @sortimer]

@enemyofthesuun @jlphistory Mostly, I'm afraid of social media posts that are critical of me. That's why I stay away from the bargaining table. Whenever I show up, @rankandfile3903 makes fun of me on twitter! So, I'm just not going to show up to bargain. Problem solved, right? #simonlogic #yorklogic

[Mimon Sortimer @sortimer]

@3903SpiderMan @enemyofthesuun @jlphistory As Counsel, I will confirm that @YorkUPresident does, in fact, know some of the words associated with postcolonial theory. I cannot comment on whether she uses this knowledge sincerely, or supremely ironically.

[Mimon Sortimer @sortimer]

@jadeddoc @3903SpiderMan As Counsel, I can confirm that @YorkUPresident never lies. She may, in some instances, engage in the use of alternative facts (like when she claimed that @yorkuniversity cares about it's graduate students and contract faculty. Please desist from this mendacity.

[Mimon Sortimer @sortimer]

@enemyofthesuun @BurrisHistory Only the finest hats money can buy, for a wealthy lawyer like me. But I pick hats on thursdays. Which is why I definitely won't be at the table then. #hatday #fancy

[Mimon Sortimer @sortimer]

@Geese4Cupe3903 @abetheh1 @YorkUPresident @3903SpiderMan I'm going to recommend, as Counsel, that @YorkUPresident not do that. Could be a liability. Also, we have to go take a look at some yachts. It'll take all day.. #yachtlife

[Mimon Sortimer @sortimer]

@barrytorch14 @YorkUPresident Writing up a one-sided picket policy that @cupe3903comms will definitely agree to all of!

[Mimon Sortimer @sortimer]

@chelscath14 Too right! Or stolen by thieves! How do we envision preventing breastmilk theft working? Is the union willing to pay for fridge locks? Because we don't feel that's a cost @yorkuniversity should be on the hook for.

[Mimon Sortimer @sortimer]

@enemyofthesuun @cupe3903comms I guess that depends on whether the seating arrangements are up to my satisfaction. I can't bargain sitting just anywhere, you know!

[Mimon Sortimer @sortimer]

@3903SpiderMan @BurrisHistory I know that broadcasting pictures of representatives of York University is legal, and also permissible under the student and employee codes of conduct. But if you do it, well, I'll have to threaten you with punishment under those same codes. Not today though. No Sunday work 4 me!

[Mimon Sortimer @sortimer]

@BurrisHistory I'll misquote Forrester/Sean Connery. Seating arrangement complaints are my dinner, but fucking over the poor? That's my dessert!

[Mimon Sortimer @sortimer]

@jadeddoc @barrytorch14 @YorkUPresident @cupe3903comms Well, it's definitely not my fault. Weekends are a no go for REAL professionals like me who can bill @yorkuniversity like 700 an hour... #lazysunday #brunch