Southern Pippi

quietly emptying out my mind garbage into the ether

[Southern Pippi @SouthernPippi]

Grapefruit is the most coquettish of citrus

[Southern Pippi @SouthernPippi]

You think your #parenting is going all fine and well

until your toddler asks to see your butthole

[Southern Pippi @SouthernPippi]

In the spirit of inclusion because it’s #PrideMonth I informed my 4-year-old nephew that I would love him even if he grew up to be straight

[lauren ♡ @de__stijl]

happy pride! you are all valid and ily 💞

[Southern Pippi @SouthernPippi]

Needed a new lease on life so I put on clean underwear

[Southern Pippi @SouthernPippi]

How do I tell my Apple watch I have covid and it needs to just shut the fuck up?

[Southern Pippi @SouthernPippi]

Did you know a bidet is just a gay water fountain

[Southern Pippi @SouthernPippi]

It’s really hard to put my best foot forward right now

On account of this fungus

[Southern Pippi @SouthernPippi]

Sylvia Plath fan fiction

[Southern Pippi @SouthernPippi]

We can all agree they’re running the “Weekend at Bernie’s” special with the Queen, right

[Southern Pippi @SouthernPippi]

I think this still fits the Gilded Age theme?

[Southern Pippi @SouthernPippi]

My 2022 Met Gala look is “Woman with No Options”

where I’m crying and holding a coat hanger

[Southern Pippi @SouthernPippi]

Looking for a nanny *solely* to take my kid to swim lessons on days when I’m too bloated to be seen in a bathing suit.

Serious inquiries only please

#parenting

[Southern Pippi @SouthernPippi]

My May look is “anemic Manga character”

[Southern Pippi @SouthernPippi]

“Lolita” fan fiction

[Southern Pippi @SouthernPippi]

The “emergency cash” in my glove compartment is for donuts

[Southern Pippi @SouthernPippi]

Everything was going so well until I hit that soothsayer with my car

[Southern Pippi @SouthernPippi]

@JHRuark I love how you speak your truth

[Southern Pippi @SouthernPippi]

Horseback riding is pornographic

[Southern Pippi @SouthernPippi]

When I turn 85 I *will* name my jowls

[Southern Pippi @SouthernPippi]

@internetalena Define “hanging out”

I avoid social interaction (on account of my awkwardness and bad knees) but let’s trade book recommendations