Saufwan

I wanna be in a wonderland..

[Saufwan @southone_]

I may die today, tomorrow, or even tonight. And I don't want to wait till then before I apologise for every wrong things I've done. So here goes..

I'm sorry, for everything. And I forgive you.

[𐌁𐌉Ᏽ 𐌕𐌉𐌌𐌉 @OrevaZSN]

This is free advice from an expensive psychologist. If you’re an anxious person, do everything for fun. Go to a job interview for fun. Submit documents for fun. Start a blog for fun. Anxiety feeds on importance. Don’t make everything a matter of life and death.

[Saufwan @southone_]

Is there anything more malay than "Tak orang, tak kita"?

[Saufwan @southone_]

How single I am:

I dreamt of being in an arranged marriage with my friend's younger sister.

She doesn't have a younger sister.

She's married.

We're not even close.

[Saufwan @southone_]

You know that friend in the group that gives the best relationship advices but can't find a partner for shit? Yes, that's me. I'm that friend.

[Saufwan @southone_]

Alright so semua tgh down.. so aku sorang tak down.. got it. I love stepping up 🥰

[Saufwan @southone_]

I.. think.. I'm.. done. I think.

[Saufwan @southone_]

A chapter closes.

Thank you for strengthening my heart, developing my soul, introducing me to the slightest taste of comfort, and for the utmost attention for my all-time blabber.

Thank you for making me realise, how temporary this life is.

I wish you the happiness I lost.

[Saufwan @southone_]

You grabbed my hand,
Placed it on your tumor,
You teared up.

I woke up.

Al-Fatihah.

[Saufwan @southone_]

No cus really, when you're stuck in the system, where the bridge between your voice and the possible change, is actually the obstacle, you'd actually feel sick 🤮

[Saufwan @southone_]

Got reminded of why I didn't stay, and I'm genuinely glad I didn't.

I was needed but I wasn't developing, being under the reigns of misdirections. I learnt, of course, of what not to do, and what to never do.

Hence, thank you. I'll be careful, you too.

[Saufwan @southone_]

When you accidentally made the lips of someone you love, especially a bedridden elderly woman, bleed, you'll feel like choking yourself.

You took care of me with all the tenderness you had, and this is my return.

I'm so damn sorry, I'd die for you.

[Saufwan @southone_]

It's clearer now 🙏

[Saufwan @southone_]

An attempt.
It's all I was asking for.
Attempt.
For an all-time giver.

[Saufwan @southone_]

I believe not a single soul has not faced rejection. It's only what comes after, do the realisation sets in, as to whether one actually cares.

[Saufwan @southone_]

And people think that the best solution is always to "leave him be till he's better." It's fortunate "he" wasn't on the ledge.

[Saufwan @southone_]

You've been putting a strong facade, to bear the pain of others, with them. But when you're at your lowest, however, people don't seem to want to be there just yet, all over the excuse of "bother", and reason of "discomfort".

[Saufwan @southone_]

It was then that I was reminded, that the people we have been giving towards, may not necessarily reciprocate the same way. If we can't deal with that, move on. And that's what I'm doing, moving on.

[Saufwan @southone_]

The past few weeks was really a phase. It was a clearer view of who are the people who genuinely cares and checks in, and who makes excuses for not doing so.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not all into attention, but if I do get it, I'll try my best to appreciate it.

[Saufwan @southone_]

I'm genuinely tired of playing push and pull. I'm tired of waiting hours for a reply. I'm tired of sitting around waiting for some sort of signal. Time's ticking. I've got work to do.

[Saufwan @southone_]

I'm 25, I have a family to support, work to do, studies to juggle, and a future to plan.

I really can't keep playing these childish games 😪

And it's on me, so I apologise 🙏