matt

I need a drink and a quick decision.

[matt @spacehugs]

Me looking at Instagram stories.

2017: that’s so cool. that’s so cool. that’s awesome.

2019: that proves nothing. that proves nothing. and that... well that actually looks exhausting.

[matt @spacehugs]

@UMO https://t.co/ppqx7m6lJU

[matt @spacehugs]

I was trying to get my dog’s attention to kindly ask her to get the hell off the bed and first I called her Alexa and then I called her Eli if you’re wondering how things are going these days.

[matt @spacehugs]

The only hard part about being a parent is that it doesn’t pay the bills.

[matt @spacehugs]

Cut Tree Had Some Water Stored Up!

(and snakes)

[matt @spacehugs]

Is @netflix raising everybody’s rates or it is just for the people who finally started watching The Crown last week?

[matt @spacehugs]

2020 Haiku No. 1

Your high school bully
All grown up defending cops
And now hates athletes

[california quail herder @hella_brad]

The Media calls it a boycott because they know athletes have tremendous influence as a role model among the poor & middle class & don't want to normalize striking in solidarity w civil rights protests. That's it. Everyone knows what the words mean, doofuses

[matt @spacehugs]

@evening_cawfee Wait is the joke here NOT the fact that I was expecting a picture of a water fountain / bubbler or a purse / pocketbook and this is a one big Tupperware pitcher full to the absolute brim with spaghetti?

[matt @spacehugs]

The fact that human beings regularly bite our own lips when eating salad feels like a useful argument against both evolution AND creationism.

[matt @spacehugs]

I know he wasn’t joking because that’s a real train of thought we have all had in our lives and that most of us have said out loud. In my case, this conversation unfolded in a 3rd grade science classroom and at the time I wasn’t in charge of, well, anything.

[matt @spacehugs]

It sounds interesting me

[matt @spacehugs]

I’m not a doctor but I have common sense

[matt @spacehugs]

It sounds interesting to me

[matt @spacehugs]

I’m not a doctor but I have common sense

[matt @spacehugs]

We have these bags that we use to disinfect pacifiers and bottles. 2 oz of water and like 4 mins in the microwave. Can we test if there’s a way to use this on lungs to disinfect them?

[matt @spacehugs]

Pretty big little lies, liars and fires everywhere

[matt @spacehugs]

An acquaintance who self-identifies as a member of Gen Z just told me this tweet would’ve slapped much harder if I used the term “stan” instead of “carry water”

[matt @spacehugs]

I know a lot of you are out there just trying to carry water for the president but not gonna lie if I squint it kinda looks like you are trying to carry water for the virus itself.

[matt @spacehugs]

A note to everyone sharing COVID-19 hot takes on social media: be careful your views on sensible gun control are showing

[matt @spacehugs]

I feel it wasn’t very long ago that I was MUCH younger