Spei

agender, compartmentalizing my depression to a different account like a boss

[Spei @speitap]

every day it becomes more obvious that the fact that I moved back to the middle of nowhere voluntarily was a coping strategy for sensory overwhelm and not simply because I hated society

the latter was merely a symptom caused by the former lmao

[Spei @speitap]

dj.lbeats

[Spei @speitap]

the worst part about having the official adhd diag is that now whenever I catch myself doing something idiotic the punchline is always the same. 'oh there's just a lot on their mind!' no. you know what's on my mind? that fucking cardi-b/A-ha Mashup from tiktok

[Spei @speitap]

did you know you can get gender euphoria at 4:30 in the morning because you saw a blurry version of yourself for 2.5 seconds? coz u sure can buddy, that shit was like a premonition

[Spei @speitap]

I had a weird ass dream and everyone in it was treating me like shit and it felt like a nightmare but by the end I lost my shit and told a shitty bus driver to go to therapy

[Spei @speitap]

Holy shit

[Animated Text @animatedtext]

*kicks door open* i forgot what i was gonna say goodbye

[Spei @speitap]

am I becoming less depressed? yes.

am I very quickly approaching 10 grand in various bills that insurance will not cover to do it? also yes.

anyway we live in a hellscape

[Spei @speitap]

sure wish I could sleep someday

[Spei @speitap]

HELLO THIS IS NOW MY ADDERALL HAS PUNCHED ME IN THE FACE AT 7:10 IN THE MORNING TWITTER ACCOUNT WHERE EVERYTHING I TWEET WILL NOW BE DONE IN THE VOICE OF MR TORGUE

[Spei @speitap]

baking bread
(dysphoria)
see myself in mirror with ill-fitting apron on
(dysphoria)
actual pleasant surprises that bring me joy
(dysphoria)
petting my dog
(dysphoria)
cuddling with my spouse
(dysphoria)
being thankful I'm alive
(dysphoria)

it be like this sometimes

[Animated Text @animatedtext]

Please don't call me a "fuck up", as that's too positive. I'm a fuck down

[Spei @speitap]

OK thats all. thanks for coming to my ted talk, I hate being conscious, wash your hands

[Spei @speitap]

please note that I do not have actionable intention on body mutilation, this is HYPOTHETICAL, and with that in mind, hear me out:

[Spei @speitap]

AND, if I chopped them off myself, my trip to the doctor so I don't mcdie would finally meet my damn deductible for the year coz all the doctor's appointments and the 5k ER visit sure as hell didn't