𝔊𝔥𝔬𝔰𝔱𝔤𝔦𝔯𝔩🕯️🧸

TW/𓊆ྀི NOT recov safe account but supports recov DNI under 18𓊇ྀི🪽 edtwt relapsing ☽⛧⁺‧₊˚♡ online diary ༺☆༻20♡🌙✩ I am autistic ୨♡୧ ED/SH since 2016 𐦍ೃ࿔*

[𝔊𝔥𝔬𝔰𝔱𝔤𝔦𝔯𝔩🕯️🧸 @spiralling111]

I have to take so much promethazine for it to actually affect me now. How much is too much idk? Im at 175mg

[𝔊𝔥𝔬𝔰𝔱𝔤𝔦𝔯𝔩🕯️🧸 @spiralling111]

@Admissions6512 @chronicpsycho_ Are you stupid??

[𝔊𝔥𝔬𝔰𝔱𝔤𝔦𝔯𝔩🕯️🧸 @spiralling111]

@SillyLilLuci1 @Jelly1172641 @chronicpsycho_ FR?!! Who does this prick think they are

[𝔊𝔥𝔬𝔰𝔱𝔤𝔦𝔯𝔩🕯️🧸 @spiralling111]

@chronicpsycho_ I relate to your hopelessness lovely. I can’t imagine what youre dealing with let alone where you are too. Just know that lots of us that see your posts also see the beauty in your soul. You deserve the chance to live, not to exist but to live. 💞

[𝔊𝔥𝔬𝔰𝔱𝔤𝔦𝔯𝔩🕯️🧸 @spiralling111]

@chronicpsycho_ This makes me happy. I love your smile :)

[𝔊𝔥𝔬𝔰𝔱𝔤𝔦𝔯𝔩🕯️🧸 @spiralling111]

As idk 4 houses? It disappeared after a few seconds but all of a sudden it felt like the ac was on in the car too it wasn’t. I saw this on dec 3rd with my mum i also saw this same thing in a different location to the right of me no one else saw

[𝔊𝔥𝔬𝔰𝔱𝔤𝔦𝔯𝔩🕯️🧸 @spiralling111]

Has anyone ever seen this in the sky ? Not completely accurate but completely unexplained…it appeared directly above me and my mum omg got chills rn but it was blue lights and they were rotating clockwise. No higher than a tall building and was maybe as big-

[𝔊𝔥𝔬𝔰𝔱𝔤𝔦𝔯𝔩🕯️🧸 @spiralling111]

Thats going on spiritually in my family that part is actually true just not the entities in disguise

[𝔊𝔥𝔬𝔰𝔱𝔤𝔦𝔯𝔩🕯️🧸 @spiralling111]

Throw back to when I went a bit mental and thought everyone around me was delusional and started to hallucinate people in public whispering abuse at me and thought there were shape shifting entities spying on me because I have awareness about the insanity

[𝔊𝔥𝔬𝔰𝔱𝔤𝔦𝔯𝔩🕯️🧸 @spiralling111]

people are alwyas telling me im ugly, its only my loved ones that dont. they are all under an illusion to make me feel better. but theyre not in control of that their opinions are being altered and manipulated by emotions

[𝔊𝔥𝔬𝔰𝔱𝔤𝔦𝔯𝔩🕯️🧸 @spiralling111]

That something was drugs lmao

[𝔊𝔥𝔬𝔰𝔱𝔤𝔦𝔯𝔩🕯️🧸 @spiralling111]

I'm so done like I acc don't know how I'm gonna cope my mum keeps fucking up with the money I can't do this anymore. Half was meant to be mine. It's been years I'm ducking tired I'm gonna do something to myself

[𝔊𝔥𝔬𝔰𝔱𝔤𝔦𝔯𝔩🕯️🧸 @spiralling111]

I wonder if im trying in life but it’s all pointless because the end result is i fail and this illness will overpower me.

[𝔊𝔥𝔬𝔰𝔱𝔤𝔦𝔯𝔩🕯️🧸 @spiralling111]

Oh to have a flatter chest🙏
13yo me would be asking what the fuck am I thinking. I had my Ds and I hated them. I can’t explain why. Now im left with a chest i won’t ever like

[𝔊𝔥𝔬𝔰𝔱𝔤𝔦𝔯𝔩🕯️🧸 @spiralling111]

@chronicpsycho_ Happy birthday lovely. I hope you can enjoy your day the most you can. You deserve so much love and happiness

[𝔊𝔥𝔬𝔰𝔱𝔤𝔦𝔯𝔩🕯️🧸 @spiralling111]

@chronicpsycho_ Your words and art are so so inspiring. I hope you know that x

[𝔊𝔥𝔬𝔰𝔱𝔤𝔦𝔯𝔩🕯️🧸 @spiralling111]

I met someone but I don’t know if it will go anywhere so I am going to try and prepare for that whilst trying not to self destruct more.
hes so lovely agh i cant

[𝔊𝔥𝔬𝔰𝔱𝔤𝔦𝔯𝔩🕯️🧸 @spiralling111]

Idk what’s going on. I want to recover but I know at some point I’ll relapse and be pissed of I have to lose it all again. I want to be happy but I don’t know a life without self sabotage

[𝔊𝔥𝔬𝔰𝔱𝔤𝔦𝔯𝔩🕯️🧸 @spiralling111]

Been losing agonisingly slow the last 3 months. My mum thinks another 4kilos I’ll be in hospital. But thats because my physical health is so bad. It’s only gotten worse because I am always so tense and stressed. My muscles hurt so much

[𝔊𝔥𝔬𝔰𝔱𝔤𝔦𝔯𝔩🕯️🧸 @spiralling111]

I sob all the time because I actually don’t want to live at all the moment I lose my mum.
I am terrified.
I sob about my grandma. When she will go. Shes the best Nan I could ever have wished for. Im not cut out for grief. Or life.

[𝔊𝔥𝔬𝔰𝔱𝔤𝔦𝔯𝔩🕯️🧸 @spiralling111]

I feel like I should look way smaller for my weight. I feel humiliatingly lazy for not having the physical strength to exercise at all. Im bmi 16.5

[𝔊𝔥𝔬𝔰𝔱𝔤𝔦𝔯𝔩🕯️🧸 @spiralling111]

Posting this out of pure shame. The bones but all of that flab makes it feel so shameful. The ed tells me I am an embarrassment to anorexics. This is so cruel and exhausting. Never being enough for something I know I’ll never satisfy. But I can’t stop.