🌒 veritable pillar of salt 🌘

mostly RTs. tarot is 💙. queer cryptid spoonie. disabled, mentally ill, professionally tired. will hit you with my cane. they/them. ☀ ♉ ☽♏️➚♑

[🌒 veritable pillar of salt 🌘 @spoonnoises]

my brand.

[Leon @TrpstrLeonOG]

DAD: “At your age I already had two kids.”

ME: “How much was your apartment?”

DAD: “About $650.”

ME: “Mine is $1,850.”

DAD: “Yeah but salaries were lower.”

ME: “What did you make?”

DAD: “Maybe $35,000.”

ME: “I make $58,000.”

DAD: “Exactly. You make way more.”

ME: “My salary went up 66%.”

DAD: “Right.”

ME: “The rent went up 185%.”

Long silence.

Then he asked if I had considered getting a roommate.

I'm starting to think percentages only count when they're convenient.

[2000s @PopCulture2000s]

cher’s looks by bob mackie on “the cher show” (1975) will forever be iconic

[tonnaree🦄🐝🍑 🌈🙃(she/her) Pro-Choice @tonnaree]

Just a reminder.

[Enezator @Enezator]

The best video you can watch today

[no context dexter @oocdexter]

he remade the meme with Doakes 😭

[Once Upon A Time On The Internet @newgroundsdoc]

23 YEARS AGO TODAY, @TheWeebl posted BADGERS to @Newgrounds.

[‎.𖥔 ݁ Duchess of Meme 𖥔 ݁˖ @DuchessOfMeme]

Your zodiac sign as a useless fucking creature…

These are too on point, not to share. More in the comments…. 🫶

[Merriam-Webster @MerriamWebster]

macabre = “muh-KAHB”

Worcestershire = “WOOSS-ter-sheer”

omnipotent = “ahm-NI-puh-tunt”

reticent = “RET-uh-sunt”

epitome = “ih-PIT-uh-mee”

myriad = "MEER-ee-ud"

Never make fun of someone if they mispronounce a word.

It means they learned it by reading.

[MAGIKARP🦈💦 @UniteVids]

The perfect incense burner doesn't exi-

[matt bernstein @mattxiv]

deeply saddened by the passing of my colleague, Literal Hitler. while we disagreed on many things, he always knew how to make us laugh.

[National Park Service @NatlParkService]

If you drink a lot of water, you won’t have time for other people’s drama because you’ll be too busy looking for a bathroom.

[Simons @Simon_Ingari]

It’s called Gross Salary because:

1. It's disgusting to see how much money you would've made before taxes.

2. ↓

[🤠 @heavensbvnny]

y’all i just found out that female elephants stay with their mother for life while male elephants leave their family from ages 12-15 to go hang out with their little bro squad in a group called “bachelor herds” 😭

[Simons @Simon_Ingari]

In May, my wife received an email that wasn't meant for her.

It contained a job offer.
A big salary.
The sender had typed the wrong email address.

For a moment, she thought about ignoring it.
After all, it wasn't her responsibility.
But something told her to reply.

She informed the company that they had sent a confidential email to the wrong person.

Within an hour, they replied, thanked her for accepting the offer, and concluded by stating they were excited to have her on board.

Things had taken a sharp turn. Or so we thought.

But on her supposed reporting day, another email followed up when she failed to report.

They were actually going to terminate her if she failed to report the following day. Of course, she didn't report.

Then they followed up with a termination email.

She had been fired from a job she had never applied for, wasn't qualified for, and had never even interviewed for. Just like that.

[𝒢𝒾𝓁𝒷ℯ𝓇𝓉 @AbakpaJob]

studies (conducted in my home) have shown that when you sing your cat a little song about how much you love them, they understand exactly what you're saying, and they feel it in their little heart