Funny Tweets

Tweeting quotes, jokes, advice and facts that relate to your everyday life. Don't forget to follow it's worth it!
QSLET8

[Funny Tweets @spottedjokes]

Do babies named Karen even exist or do they just appear one day with 3 kids and wanna speak to the manager #Memes

[Funny Tweets @spottedjokes]

I hate when I put food in the microwave & it starts making explosive noises so I check and it's cold like why you gotta play me like that.

[Funny Tweets @spottedjokes]

"K." Well potassium to you too, motherfucker.

[Funny Tweets @spottedjokes]

I even procrastinate the things I want to do

[Funny Tweets @spottedjokes]

The awkward moment when you're left with a friend of a friend, and there's silence until the other friend returns.

[Funny Tweets @spottedjokes]

Saying "like" in like… every sentence

[Funny Tweets @spottedjokes]

Im not addicted to twitter. I only tweet when I have time: lunch time, break time, off time, this time, that time, any time, all the time.

[Funny Tweets @spottedjokes]

I bet when Cheetahs race and one of them cheats, the other one goes, "Man, you're such a Cheetah!" and they laugh & eat a zebra or whatever.

[Funny Tweets @spottedjokes]

6-day '6'pack Trick--> Celeb's Use THIS 2 Cheat Their Way 2 Epic Abs FAST http://t.co/wHt2OZ24mJ - sp

[Funny Tweets @spottedjokes]

Whenever you feel sad, just remember that somewhere in this world there's an idiot pulling a door that says "PUSH".

[Funny Tweets @spottedjokes]

Have you ever just stopped and realized that if you hadn’t met a certain person in your life, your life would be completely different.

[Funny Tweets @spottedjokes]

Go and check out bingo on your mobile phone http://t.co/hKODRCO6UD #ad

[Funny Tweets @spottedjokes]

Typing things into Google to see if you can spell them correctly.

[Funny Tweets @spottedjokes]

'YOLO' isn't a excuse to be a slut.

[Funny Tweets @spottedjokes]

Don't mistake my silence for ignorance. It's just that I don't care

[Funny Tweets @spottedjokes]

I got sent out of class once at school. The teacher yelled at me, "What would your parents say if I called them?" I replied, "Hello?"

[Funny Tweets @spottedjokes]

Me: "Why am I still single?" Brain: "You're weird as shit." Body: "And you're fat." Face: "Plus you're ugly." Food: "But I'm here for you."

[Funny Tweets @spottedjokes]

When I have money, I have nothing to buy. When I don't have money, I want everything.

[Funny Tweets @spottedjokes]

Everyone suffering from diseases and natural disasters: hang in there, we're liking Facebook posts as fast as we can

[Funny Tweets @spottedjokes]

If I was a bird, you'd be the first person I'd shit on.