Garrett

[Garrett @squatchelectric]

Your steak came too well done and you didn’t say nothing but you shook the entire four top trying to cut into it fuck

[Garrett @squatchelectric]

Wondering how much plane tickets are to Japan after seeing how they treating punch the monkey

[Liberty Doll @TheLibertyDoll]

The Second Amendment is for everyone--even people whose politics you don't like.

[Garrett @squatchelectric]

CB radio is just Xbox live for boomers right down to the mom insults

[Garrett @squatchelectric]

The lion doesn’t concern himself with torque specifications

[Garrett @squatchelectric]

Apprentices trying to get me to start a podcast my brother what if I want to be president someday and they catch me slipping talking about how I don’t trust short men and want to deport all the bicyclists?

[Garrett @squatchelectric]

Give the gorilla 99 more I don’t need no help

[Garrett @squatchelectric]

I hit G forces on a wire pull that would make an astronaut pass out

[Garrett @squatchelectric]

I’d be a father figure to your dog even though there isn’t any tax benefit for it

[Garrett @squatchelectric]

Dude at work told me I look like redneck gru I still ain’t recovered

[Garrett @squatchelectric]

To a man like me crazy bread from Little Caesars is just regular bread

[Garrett @squatchelectric]

Got gray beard hairs now at 27 thanks to hard ass inspectors and uppity apprentices life’s great

[Garrett @squatchelectric]

Had a dream last night I was fighting some dude at the bar and right when I was about to win his girlfriend hit me in the face with that 40oz Stanley. Last thing I heard was that three day old ice clanking around in there

[Garrett @squatchelectric]

Every time I open this app I’m reminded how severely underrated @HarvotRyan tweets are. Truly one of the greats

[Garrett @squatchelectric]

Don’t be shaking my hand with them small ass hands I don’t trust you

[Garrett @squatchelectric]

I’m about stand on business at the thanksgiving table

[Garrett @squatchelectric]

@HarvotRyan

[ettingermentum @ettingermentum]

real

[Garrett @squatchelectric]

I just want a woman who will cry happy tears when I bring home the 12ft skeleton decoration from Home Depot