I have found interesting parallels between the Bennet marriage and Mary Wollstonecraft’s characterization of the Pseudofeminine Ideal for women, especially in how it’s only cute for a brief period in a woman’s life and then it’s deeply unsettling.
The characterisation of Mr and Mrs Bennet in Pride & Prejudice is brilliant. Mr Bennet married for looks and has since come to regret having done so. He copes with Mrs Bennet’s ceaseless prattle by shutting himself in the library, and has developed a caustic, sharp-edged humor (some intriguing parallels are drawn between him and Charlotte Lucas). He is a negligent father who seems only to care for Lizzy.
Non-readers often assume that Austen’s books are syrupy odes to the joys of romance and marriage. Part of the cleverness of her writing is that, with a handful of exceptions, most of the married couples in her stories are miserable. A good marriage is possible, but by no means guaranteed. She is a hard-nosed realist, and her eye misses nothing.
I’ve never heard this podcast, but I can tell you just from this tweet the problem is not this podcast. The problem is your personality.
Your wife likely did not settle. She likely found someone more aligned with her preferences, but you’re too superficial to see it.
Women saying nonsense like this is why my ex wife left me and then ended up settling for a man who’s 5 inches shorter, 50lbs heavier, and makes half of my salary.
Nobody cheated, nobody raised a hand at anyone. Just normal fights that 50 years ago spouses worked through in counseling or with their pastor.
But of course she listened to this show religiously and her head was filled with nonsense like “you’re my husband - I shouldn’t have to tell you how I feel or what I want. You should just know; and that’s why I’m leaving.”
@Readshiji130 Ah okay. You are making a separate point to me. I’m referencing specifically her temperament. In modern day terms, we’d say she hasn’t evolved past high school.
@Readshiji130 Mrs. Bennet behaves similarly to Lydia and Kitty. Lydia is 15 and Kitty is 17/18, so their behavior is indicative of their ages. There’s a certain specific repulsiveness to it that echoes what Wollstonecraft described.
@Readshiji130 That is in some sense a key point of Wollstonecraft’s argument. Life is meant to be a cumulative experience, but if the primary cultural fixation is in maidenhood/pursuit of spouse it breeds women like this.
@AlastorMoopy@revisionistah@_nomadic_soul Generally I have found that women who do this have little exposure to good men. In her case, her father was like this. When I told her my bf packs my lunch accounting for her food allergies (because she will have anaphylaxis from airborne exposure), she cried.
@SketchesbyBoze Do you mean because of how she saw marriage or because of how she saw women treated? If there’s anything you can suggest for more reading on this, I’d love to hear it!
every time I write an essay I begin thinking it's about one thing and then by the end I've changed my mind, half to delete half of it, and change the title.
@revisionistah@_nomadic_soul It’s the whole 3 under 5 thing. If it was just a baby it would be fine. Between the three kids, her graduate program and internship logistics, and a husband who is checked out, she is exhausted.
@MuckleMcDuckle@_nomadic_soul Truly. A lot of women at my work put up with really terrible treatment on the grounds that this is just how men are and it’s maddening to see every time.