Squirrelly Danger

Team Captain of “thank god you’re pretty”. Not your favorite bartender. Fueled by cheap Whiskey and Mild Insanity. All gas no brakes.

[Squirrelly Danger @squirrelydanger]

I don’t like that cat on the fancy feast commercial that stares directly in your eyes while it licks its meat. Jump scare every time.

[Squirrelly Danger @squirrelydanger]

We got a fish tank and for no reason we named the happy fish Curtis Jackson. Please respond @50cent

[Squirrelly Danger @squirrelydanger]

There has not been a single time in the past four (?) years that I have went to @sonicdrivein and waited for less than 30 minutes for any order. This time it was one large Blue Coconut slush. I left. 🥺

[Squirrelly Danger @squirrelydanger]

Every other day I see a weird family vlogger clapping back at someone who is telling them to get a “real job” that vlogging is a “real job”. While I don’t argue that…if that’s true does that mean they are violating the Fair Labor act by making their kids work EVERY DAY for free?

[Squirrelly Danger @squirrelydanger]

@Wendys gave me BUTTER instead of salad dressing for my taco salad and crackers instead of tortilla chips. This trolling has GONE TOO FAR WENDY. Currently scooping my salsa with air and eating plain lettuce, Happy Monday.

[Squirrelly Danger @squirrelydanger]

I’m sort of confused about @McDonalds new Grandma McFlurry. I’m watching reviews and…there isn’t a single ounce of Coors Lite in it? It’s not in a red solo cup? I’m lost.

[Nature is Amazing ☘️ @AMAZlNGNATURE]

a mother found her lost kitten and slapped her and took her home. 😂

[Squirrelly Danger @squirrelydanger]

@JoshMankiewicz That guy came into my work and was super nice, I had no idea that he was “famous”. I still don’t know exactly why he’s famous.

[Squirrelly Danger @squirrelydanger]

WTH @Tinder?!

[Squirrelly Danger @squirrelydanger]

The only legal thing I do at Walmart is return the shopping cart

[Squirrelly Danger @squirrelydanger]

@MarylandMudflap I would like cornbread dressing and green beans, extra gravy. Thanks

[Squirrelly Danger @squirrelydanger]

@MarylandMudflap 🐓

[Squirrelly Danger @squirrelydanger]

As someone who grew up literally dodging KKK rallies across the street from the Denny’s…this. Stop. Just stop.

[Squirrelly Danger @squirrelydanger]

My most irrational, dramatic girl problem is that I think @joshwolfcomedy is absolutely fucking hilarious but he looks so much like my ex that I literally can’t watch a single video of him without wanting to punch him in the face. @dumbblondepod made me realize this 😂

[Squirrelly Danger @squirrelydanger]

Happiest of birthdays to the man who helps me set up the bar, cook dinner, fall asleep…everything in between. @dateline_keith. Hope you had a wonderful day.

[Squirrelly Danger @squirrelydanger]

@bobbybonesshow Ew. I thought y’all were better

[Squirrelly Danger @squirrelydanger]

@themeredith Probably take shots. Butt looks great tho

[Squirrelly Danger @squirrelydanger]

In Texas we literally freeze to death or navigate a heatwave that would scare Satan and somehow we all just collectively decide to stay here, I don’t get it but…I do.

[Squirrelly Danger @squirrelydanger]

@mattrife The Doug Digadome reference SENT me

[Squirrelly Danger @squirrelydanger]

@AndyWales123 @mattrife The nudes or the tickets? I want to go to the show, Matt…but we could work out the details for the other thing.