Julian ☆

(21) he/him | edtwt, personal vent and life 𐂯 pro-recovery 🐶

[Julian ☆ @squishmacros]

waow i lost 2.5lbs within the last week.. i'm down to 102lbs :0

[Julian ☆ @squishmacros]

ack this is lowkey embarrassing but i bought plastic sandwich bags to portion all of my snacks for the road trip/what i'm bringing for vacation to (ideally) spend less money on food there..

"self control 😍" no i have been balls deep in my ED for years and it's chronic lololol

[Julian ☆ @squishmacros]

finally got ahold of my food scale again and learned that i've been spot on for my coffee creamer + almond milk but have been DRASTICALLY overestimating the amount of granola i am logging 😭

[Julian ☆ @squishmacros]

my hope is that before it officially happens, i get to smoke with my Dad (now that i'm 21 lol) and enjoy the good in him one last time.
there isn't much of that left. but i know i have carried that good, i will never be my father no matter our similarities.

[Julian ☆ @squishmacros]

yeahhh went about as expected. i might have to get police involved bc there was a threat that i wouldn't be allowed back to get ALL of my things. as an adult those are legally my possessions, but i also don't feel safe around my dad lmao. i'll see what happens.

[Julian ☆ @squishmacros]

seeing my parents when i grab some of my things from their house today and i stg even if they don't say anything their faces will read exactly how they feel.
i've lost at least 20lbs since they saw me last. oh well.

[Julian ☆ @squishmacros]

i've wanted to go no contact with both of my parents for a long time now, it hasn't been realistic but at this point i'm worried about my safety and how much i disrespect myself by continuing to interact with them.

[Julian ☆ @squishmacros]

you've been hitting me up practically weekly to fuck and filmed me sucking your dih earlier this month. like alright. pretend you aren't toying with my emotions.

[Julian ☆ @squishmacros]

after how much i was triggered last night i really don't think i'm going to stop my weight loss at any point. 100lbs will be awesome but i don't see the point in maintaining. i'm losing without much effort, i got to my LW unintentionally before so it's bound to happen again.

[Julian ☆ @squishmacros]

not much context to the trigger other than it being my ex sending mixed signals when we both still have some form of feelings for each other lol

[Julian ☆ @squishmacros]

seeing my parents when i grab some of my things from their house today and i stg even if they don't say anything their faces will read exactly how they feel.
i've lost at least 20lbs since they saw me last. oh well.

[Julian ☆ @squishmacros]

okay change of plans bc my friend is coming back from work earlier and i am NOT having that on when they get back 😭
i watch my Mexican drama instead :3

[Julian ☆ @squishmacros]

saw a movie clip on insta i guess it's time to rewatch to the bone again :>
in a way the movie comforts me, especially the ending which i've seen so many people hate.
going to eat my mini pizza during LOL

[Julian ☆ @squishmacros]

saw a movie clip on insta i guess it's time to rewatch to the bone again :>
in a way the movie comforts me, especially the ending which i've seen so many people hate.
going to eat my mini pizza during LOL

[Julian ☆ @squishmacros]

day 3 of my tolerance break and i feel like ripping my hair out.
i am so on edge, i can't relax i can't stop my racing thoughts. i'm hungry without appetite and just rocking back n forth.
this is arguably the worst it's ever been for my withdrawal and i have no clue why.

[Julian ☆ @squishmacros]

holy SHIT withdrawal is so bad this time whyyyyyy

[Julian ☆ @squishmacros]

i lost another 2lbs in a week :3c
no clue how i'm dropping that fast but 🎉🎉🎉
(bmi 17.9)

[Julian ☆ @squishmacros]

i've only been awake ~3 hours and i am struggling so bad :// i can't relax or do anything my brain is just AAAAAAAAAAAA and all i can do is swap between social media apps as i shake my legs ffs

[Julian ☆ @squishmacros]

hhhgf day 2 of my tolerance break i am dying 🫩

[Julian ☆ @squishmacros]

chat do i take a w3ed tolerance break BEFORE Anthrocon or should i take one DURING Anthrocon...

[Julian ☆ @squishmacros]

@mirrorlietomeee thank you 🫂 i can't wrap my head around people being this way, literally how do you live with so much hate and judgement?
also the drink was YUMMY!! i definitely should add a few zero cal sweetener packets to it next time but it was nice :o

[Julian ☆ @squishmacros]

oh. i got laughed at in public. and countless stares from ppl on the bus, in the mall, and from literal people in cars looking at me while parked at the red light :(

anyways i tried a protein latte and got a maple frosted donut :)
(help)

[Julian ☆ @squishmacros]

not that it makes a difference but i wasn't doing anything. just existing. standing, walking, or sitting down.
society when tr4nny f4ggot who cuts itself 😲😲