my girlfriend: the vision of a playlist picture is that it needs to be subtle enough to remind you of something, but not explicit enough to be that thing
besides my professors, a particular subset of my mentors has consistently been 3-5 years older than me. so, quite young. and the rate of progress in my work and learning under their guidance is so incredible, fascinating, and satisfying, that it soothes me.
now just reading, writing, studying a lot; eating, enjoying, cooking my meals and snacks; meeting, calling, talking to friends and family; lifting almost every day; and sleeping. ngl the process yielded a great kind of energy and curiosity overall.
i don't have a car and i'm quite tired after work that i don't wish to walk to boba or ice cream. so that stopped extra sugar. uninstalled reels and disabled shorts, and i'm so tired of those too, i feel indifferent getting them back. so that stopped addictive socials.
It was a long hiatus. Sophomore year ended. Great learning experience socially and academically. Flying out to Phoenix tomorrow. I will be working there at Mayo for the next three months. Perhaps going to micro journal here again. Will be very happy to meet anyone around!
Sometimes I recall this saying by Gabor Maté: “...how driven I was to justify my existence to the world, leading to ignoring what matters, always felt I should keep working, sacrificing joyfulness, playfulness by being driven by an unconscious need to validate existence..."
as you keep aging, your body is undergoing glycation. in other words, you are getting cooked anyway. so, what else are you afraid of? what is stopping you?
The longer I stay abroad, away from my hometown, the frequency of remembrance has gotten sparse, but the intensity, whenever it does, has gotten stronger. Initially, it used to be missing multiple times. Now, it is the less often but incredible urge to revisit festivals, have Bengali food (nothing matches it, nothing), and walk in certain streets.
or, after you come back from working on your first project 9-5, you're so tired from all the beating your head against the wall you did there, you eat dinner early and sleep at 6:30, only to find yourself awake at 11:30. so you decide to work on the second one. now it is 7 and another day starts. diabolical but worked