shettles

🥴

[molly d :) @mollydeez]

texted my 86 year old client asking her how everything went with her caregiver yesterday

[2009 Alex Rodriguez @LeBronCenaOrton]

me risking my job, career and future for an extra 10 minute’s sleep every morning:

[Gabrielle Drolet @gabrielledrolet]

quebec is wario to france

[🅿️ @MattEsparz]

Dutch bros gotta be federal w the questions they be asking 🤨

[Jessie Renee @jreneebad]

I want to tell a story. When I was in like 3rd grade, I went with my mom while she dropped some drugs off (yes, she was). Anyways. She left me in the car. This guys comes out to “watch” me and it’s just me and him. He looks over and asks. “You don’t know what a haiku is, do you?”

[Ahmed Baba @AhmedBaba_]

The White House Twitter account has gone goblin mode

[𝖔𝖈𝖙𝖔𝖇𝖊𝖗 𝖑𝖔𝖛𝖊𝖗𝖘 @aperfectpumpkin]

i could really go for a harry potter movie marathon, a stormy night, and an xl pizza

[Jessie @jessiejensen]

The caption explains that the doormat says “gayest place in town”

[Daniel Warren @danwarrenart]

When my grandma died, she set her husband up with her best friend as a parting gift. She's now buried on one side of him, with her best friend on the other. 40 years later, my family is suing each other to dig up her corpse and move it because 'there's no threesomes in heaven'

[DEI Lead at British East India Co. @AnikVJoshi]

A play in three acts

[furby bridgers @chronicinflame]

i love my mom dearly but i’ve never met anyone who could benefit more from smoking a little weed

[꧁ des ꧂ @0kaydes]

when I say "huh" 7 times and they
be like nvm..

[keith @K_L_E_]

this is the relationship i have with every friend i’ve ever made

[horse powder @JuliusIrvington]

[dming you] hey it seems like you are also a menace of some kind so you want to hang out?

[C @HeronChe]

Why are threesomes only for sex why can’t I join in a couples argument if I want to

[roachboy @_roachboy]

LMAO based firefighter