🌱

took bros b4 hoes a lil too seriously

[zane firehammer @killlikebutton]

My kid vapes but he’s only allowed the ones with no screen on it

[blaire @pissshit90001]

Went to the dentist today they said I grind in my sleep #😴🤑💰

[5 @pusy123lol]

Children who used to spin until they were dizzy are now Alcoholics

[Jessy_szn💕 @Astro_jessie]

Me sensing an opportunity to randomly sing a song mid conversation based off words you said

[Wholesome Side of 𝕏 @itsme_urstruly]

cats will be like “i know a spot” and then stand directly on your areola with the weight of their whole entire body

[kat @yslnadi]

when you finally understand that it didn't work because you would have hated that life

[b @wwxwashere]

just overheard a guy introducing himself as a “backend software engineer” and a girl reply “backend? omg happy pride month” LMAO

[𝒢𝒾𝓁𝒷ℯ𝓇𝓉 @AbakpaJob]

I’ll be ike "yeah this is my emotional support animal" n it's just a cat who actively works to make my life more difficult

[femiiiiii. @femiiiszn]

when you realize that routines are actually rituals of devotion to yourself and your dreams, they become much easier to follow.

[𝒢𝒾𝓁𝒷ℯ𝓇𝓉 @AbakpaJob]

I knocked over a plant in the kitchen but my cat saw me so I had to spray myself with water so I could show the law applies to everyone

[femiiiiii. @femiiiszn]

not all of us were made to cook. some of us were made to have conversations with the person cooking.

[soup @s0upworld]

threw a party the other night and he was so popular he still smells like other women’s perfume

[Americana at Brand Memes @americanamemes]

How it feels to shop at Trader Joe’s on a Sunday night:

[7/11 Truther @DaveMcNamee3000]

Miss Frizzle trying to leave my colon

[cHy🦊 @pureheartfox]

if you have to rewind on HBO you’re really better off just trying to remember what you just watched