TF Stalshek

Modern-day Diogenes. 11th century Catholic. Nobody from Nowhere.

[TF Stalshek @stalshek]

A full novel, in all it's broken glory, for your perusal.

[TF Stalshek @stalshek]

@DofuTheWhite I feel my sons will be conflicted when it comes times to divvy-up my earthly possessions.

One of three has to take on my library.

Another has to take the snapping turtle.

The third will escape scott-free.

[TF Stalshek @stalshek]

@NapoleonBonabot Once more to never enough.

[TF Stalshek @stalshek]

@MadKamikazius @WTHfilms So says Uncle Adolph, so say we all.

[TF Stalshek @stalshek]

@GrampsToolshed Going to pull this out once again:

[TF Stalshek @stalshek]

@cirsova Also the accordion player.

It was a different time.

[TF Stalshek @stalshek]

I was the lead singer in a Tom Waits cover-band named Tom Waits for No Man.

"She" was any random girl who caught my eye during a show.

Like lambs to the slaughter it was, for the callow young man that I was...

[TF Stalshek @stalshek]

@CovfefeAnon Everything is all fine and dandy until I roll up with my non-consensual non-consensual...

Then the fun begins.

From experience, the ladies love it.

[TF Stalshek @stalshek]

@syrakousous @CovfefeAnon Worked 3rd-shift, walking 4x4s, for almost twenty years.

CNC men deserved everything the world has to give them.

[TF Stalshek @stalshek]

It was challenging: when I was a far younger man, The Last Temptation of Christ was, indeed, a provocative movie.

But only for those who were not properly churched.

Satan tempted Christ with being a normal man, fated to live a normal life; but the Gospel had already dealt with deeper temptations...

[TF Stalshek @stalshek]

@barbaricvitalsm https://t.co/q62Or3Diss

[TF Stalshek @stalshek]

@acymetric The best thing in a race-war: you can easily identify enemies at a distance...

[TF Stalshek @stalshek]

When I say "your full weight", I mean everything you have: you leave anything on the table, you'll be tossed like this guy (as I have, a few times).

I mean you are trying to drive the bull not into the ground, but 3ft underground. You want to bury it.

You will not do so, I guarantee you.

If you end up grounding it, then once again you want to put everything you have into holding it: I'm not talking just laying on the ground on top of its neck, I'm talking pushing into the ground with everything you have.

You do this once, twice, a day, you'll have muscles aching you didn't even know you had.

[TF Stalshek @stalshek]

Any horned bovine that is charging you, if you cannot get out of the way, what you need to do is grab their horns: they are big, they are powerful, but they are moving slower than it looks on camera.

Trust me, I've been on the receiving end.

Once you have control of their head, your next step is to put your full weight against the strength of their neck. You want to drive them into the ground over one of your hips. Brace, and push. When is all is said and done, you want the bull in the dirt and you on its neck.

[Molly Ploofkins @Mollyploofkins]

A tourist was seriously injured Friday evening after being thrown 8 feet into the air by a bull bison in Yellowstone National Park. Professional photographer Mike Macleod filmed the incident and said the bison was "angry, agitated and charging anything and everything." (No audio)

[TF Stalshek @stalshek]

@TheRoostergod Steamboat Springs is actually bigger (pop 13,000) than I thought it would be, but I will stand by my first reaction: this man should be simply be ferried home by the police.

[TF Stalshek @stalshek]

It's like he's never wrestled a bull to the ground in his life: sure, I'm younger (slightly) than he is, and that bison looks bigger than any young buck feeling his oats I'd been forced to put in his place, but the fact is the only way you get out of said situation is on to is you grab the horns and push over one of your hips...

[TF Stalshek @stalshek]

I do not trust anyone who plays the pipe organ with shoes on...

[TF Stalshek @stalshek]

It's a subtle give-and-take: she wants me to me to be the dependable father-of-four, middle-aged...

... but she also wants to me be the man she first met who broke a man's arm and demolished a car simply because he felt like it.

For others it might, perhaps, be a stretch, but I'm a Slav...

[TF Stalshek @stalshek]

I feel my darling wife likes to put in me the space of an alcohol-fueled dynamo...

Perhaps it reminds her of the man I was once was.

[TF Stalshek @stalshek]

Of Mythica or The Scorpion King?

One or the other is a great accomplishment.

Both is...

[TF Stalshek @stalshek]

When I was a far younger man, a teenager, I got pulled over by a police officer at approximately 1am. In the car were myself and seven of my friends (It was a big car).

This a town over. I didn't recognize the cop who pulled us over. He called for back-up.

That cop I recognized.

"Tommy, what were you doing?"

"Nothing Billy, this guy just pulled me over."

Billy took him to the side and spoke to him, came back, and said, "You're free to go Tommy."

Later, Billy told me he took the other guy aside and told him, "Good job numb-nuts, you pulled over a car full of honor students."

There's something to be said for growing up in a neighborhood where you know everyone, and everyone knows your family.

[TF Stalshek @stalshek]

@BonifaceOption The least athletic people in the world, given the sheer multitude of them.

There's a reason the British East India Company conquered the subcontinental with a scant few thousand men to their name...

[TF Stalshek @stalshek]

@KyleHoo88634083 https://t.co/J7yK0fy4Mi

[TF Stalshek @stalshek]

Had they started in the '90s, they would have been remembered as about Beastmaster quality.

It's like the Scorpion King movie series: decent movies that no one besides myself has watched...