Matthew Kett

Be nice and help people as much as you can, you never know when you'll need help yourself

[Matthew Kett @stankermit]

@offyafuck90 At least he was real

[Millennial Daddy @Habeeb_903]

Two guys are working at a sawmill when—WHAM!—one of them gets too close to the blade and chops off his arm. His buddy grabs the severed limb, shoves it in a plastic bag, and rushes him to the hospital.

The next day, he visits his friend and finds him casually playing tennis.

“Incredible!” he says. “Medical science is amazing!”

A month later, same sawmill, same two guys—WHAM!—this time, the poor guy’s leg gets lopped off. Once again, his buddy scoops it up, bags it, and hauls him to the hospital.

The next day, he stops by to check in and finds his pal outside playing football.

“Incredible!” he says. “Medical science is amazing!”

Another month goes by, and wouldn’t you know it—WHAM!—this time, the guy bends too close, and off comes his head. His buddy sighs, shoves it in a plastic bag, and rushes to the hospital one more time.

The next day, he arrives to visit his friend—but he’s nowhere to be found. He spots the doctor and asks, “Hey, Doc, where’s my friend? I brought him in yesterday.”

The doctor shakes his head. “Oh yeah… some idiot put his head in a plastic bag, and he suffocated.”

[Matthew Kett @stankermit]

@offyafuck90 During the 6 week holiday's I'd leave the house about 8, pop back when I was hungry and wouldn't go home until about 9 on the night (sometimes later) but you felt safe back then

[Matthew Kett @stankermit]

@offyafuck90 Anything bigger than a centipede and I'm running as far and fast as I can 🤣

[Matthew Kett @stankermit]

@offyafuck90 This ain't 'Great' Britain anymore

[Matthew Kett @stankermit]

@offyafuck90 At that point I knew I was gonna get a smack 🤣
There's so many of us of an older age that can understand this. My kids wouldn't cos they were better behaved than I was but they did know when they had done something wrong. They'd have things took off them instead

[Matthew Kett @stankermit]

@offyafuck90 Or wait until your dad gets back. That was the worst for me. I'd keep being a lil sh#t until I saw his car pull on the drive and then rush to bed, get under my blanket and pretend I was asleep. I'd hear the footsteps coming up the stairs and then the door would open

[Matthew Kett @stankermit]

@offyafuck90 Taught us right from wrong though didn't it 😆
Belts, sticks and all sorts for me 🤣

[Matthew Kett @stankermit]

Loved this guy in our shirt
What a legend 🫅

[LADbible @ladbible]

Whoever made that noise is pure evil 💀😂

🎥: IG/ cameronreid1013

[karma @karma44921039]

This is reality in the UK 🇬🇧

[Steve Inman @SteveInman]

Dusting off the old classic 4th of July videos from the past several years of Non-essential Commentary. Enjoy the mayhem.

[Tyler @Tyler_]

Incredible 😂😂😂 #avfc

[Matthew Kett @stankermit]

@astonvillaness1 I honestly wouldn't have minded you being selfish......really 😁

[Matthew Kett @stankermit]

@astonvillaness1 FYI, I actually spoke too soon earlier. It started just as I was going out on my break 🙄 🤣

[Matthew Kett @stankermit]

@ohfcukoff1 🥴 incoming 🤣

[Matthew Kett @stankermit]

@ForeverVilla_ LOVE IT ❤️
It has always been my favourite

[Matthew Kett @stankermit]

@euanavfc I had to Google who that was but I get it now 🤣