⋆｡˚

just existing ☾

[⋆｡˚ @starlorem]

i keep seeing his lifeless body every time i close my eyes.

[⋆｡˚ @starlorem]

rn my mind keeps replaying the last moments of mom, saffira, sorrel and lilly together.

[⋆｡˚ @starlorem]

sorrel and saffira have been gone for months, but my mind still takes me back to the moments i couldn't save them

[⋆｡˚ @starlorem]

i never imagined i'd end up burying the very little souls i was trying so desperately to save.

[⋆｡˚ @starlorem]

sorrel was the twin of my lilly, simba and khuzima. saffira was mufasa's twin, shadow was oreo's, zoe was luna's, moonlight was marshmallow's, milo was coco's, and honey was tigo's. i tried so hard to save them all. i never wanted their stories to end in loss.

[⋆｡˚ @starlorem]

i still remember sorrel struggling to breathe bc of liver failure and severe jaundice. i kept trying everything i could to help him breathe, giving him nebulization and oxygen. when that moment came, i even tried mouth to mouth resuscitation, praying he'd come back to me.

[⋆｡˚ @starlorem]

i wish saffira could tangle herself in my hair again. i'd let my little menace play with it for hours. i never wanted to let her go, not even for a second. i wish our story hadn't ended so soon.

[⋆｡˚ @starlorem]

my little menace deserved to grow up cause trouble

[⋆｡˚ @starlorem]

three months since i lost saffira, my little menace and two months since i lost sorrel. both were abandoned, unwanted, sick little kittens. i tried everything i could to save them, held them close, and hoped they'd make it. but all i could do in the end was bury them

[⋆｡˚ @starlorem]

the worst part was being there holding her, and still not being able to save her

[⋆｡˚ @starlorem]

saffira was only a tiny kitten who wanted to play, be held and be loved. i wish life had been kinder to her

[⋆｡˚ @starlorem]

that was the hardest goodbye i've ever had to say.

[⋆｡˚ @starlorem]

@samixhaa yes .

[⋆｡˚ @starlorem]

@ophthguy i had 6 prescriptions for left eye misalignment (strabismus). how can i fix it?

[⋆｡˚ @starlorem]

i wish my mother never had to lose them.

[⋆｡˚ @starlorem]

growing up and realizing how much grief my mom carried before i was even born.

[⋆｡˚ @starlorem]

my entire lore just got rewritten.

[⋆｡˚ @starlorem]

what a weird life i've lived.

[⋆｡˚ @starlorem]

i always thought i never had an older sister.

[⋆｡˚ @starlorem]

mom never mentioned my late siblings. maybe she just wanted to spare me from knowing a loss i never even knew i had.