vi ミ★

!! edtwt ✧ 20 ✧ bmi 21 ✧ not fatphobic

[vi ミ★ @starrybonez]

Life feeling scary and out of my control again u know what that means 😍🙏

[vi ミ★ @starrybonez]

relapses never come planned they really just sneak up on you slowly and your behaviours gradually start increasing again without you noticing until you realise it’s actually genuinely getting bad again

[vi ミ★ @starrybonez]

never get an ed guys u will be fighting with ur boyfriend in aldi because u got overstimulated by all the food

[vi ミ★ @starrybonez]

shocker: mourning my sick body again

[vi ミ★ @starrybonez]

physically restraining myself from commenting “i know what you are” on every thinly veiled edtt what i eat in a day video

[vi ミ★ @starrybonez]

i don’t want to relapse but i don’t want to be this size i don’t know what the fuck to do

[vi ミ★ @starrybonez]

after wednesday im locking the fuck in idc i’ll let my body do what it wants hunger & food wise until exams and the celebrations are over and then it’s go time

[vi ミ★ @starrybonez]

i can’t stop binging and overeating and it’s awful im in a cycle of being so depressed about my body that i just want to eat more and i Hate it i hate everything i don’t want to be alive if im not skinny

[vi ミ★ @starrybonez]

so when a gym bro uses restrictive ed techniques it’s a “cut” and normal but when i do it im “relapsing” and “getting ill again” 🤨

[vi ミ★ @starrybonez]

guys should i just kay em ess bc ill never be skinny again

[vi ミ★ @starrybonez]

thinking about it when i was really deep in my ed but also drug use era and i logged a bump of k3tamine in mfp

[vi ミ★ @starrybonez]

i really do get too comfortable in life by forgetting that i will always have an eating disorder and that voice will never go away no matter how much my behaviours and body changes

[vi ミ★ @starrybonez]

tbh i think my best bmi is like 18-19 i still look skinny enough but not gaunt and unwell like i do when im uw

[vi ミ★ @starrybonez]

being conscious of my weight gain has caused me to lose so much confidence it’s so fucking miserable

[vi ミ★ @starrybonez]

weighing myself and feeling so repulsed that i tell myself i might as well binge as if that isn’t why we r in this mess in the first place…

[vi ミ★ @starrybonez]

tomorrow i am not going to binge and i am going to have my silly little yoghurt bowl and go on a pretty walk and smoke a cigarette and drink lots of water and think about my evening plans

[vi ミ★ @starrybonez]

need my ex bf to confirm that he actually was repulsed by my relationship weight gain so i lose it again 💀

[vi ミ★ @starrybonez]

rationally i know a relapse is just going to take everything from me again but i Need to be skinny again like. not even edtwt skinny just irl skinny it’s killing me

[vi ミ★ @starrybonez]

the feminine urge to binge and tell myself i’m gonna start restricting tomorrow

[vi ミ★ @starrybonez]

okay so i’m gonna start cal counting again but in a cool normal totally not relapsing way