eden🧚🏻‍♀️🍓

tw ed vent // gw 44kg

[eden🧚🏻‍♀️🍓 @starvingbec]

tw bc
yet another clinic day 😵‍💫

[eden🧚🏻‍♀️🍓 @starvingbec]

its so hard to eat healthy here everything has added sugar & not many veggies & ughhh it makes my ed scream

[eden🧚🏻‍♀️🍓 @starvingbec]

gna lose a bit of weight again just to be happy & healthy & feel more comfy ): don’t wana be bmi 12 again jst wanna have a flat stomach again

[eden🧚🏻‍♀️🍓 @starvingbec]

m not even big ik that i just FEEL it even tho iv had the most attention since restoring it all feels wrong

[eden🧚🏻‍♀️🍓 @starvingbec]

@moononclouds im not going to dw i just wish there was a way to have this & be healthy & happy but i was so depressed & tired & sad ): thanku tho 💛💛

[eden🧚🏻‍♀️🍓 @starvingbec]

im genuinely doing so well in recovery but there is nothing more triggering then old photos … like i will miss this forever 💔

[eden🧚🏻‍♀️🍓 @starvingbec]

@tingcalz i love u thanku angel 💛 ur so right & there’s no winning, id reach this & just wanna go lower again ): & i was so unhappy & detached around this time still

[eden🧚🏻‍♀️🍓 @starvingbec]

like im honestly so uninterested in getting to my old lw of bmi 12 but this ?? id go back there in a heartbeat i miss her i felt so powerful

[eden🧚🏻‍♀️🍓 @starvingbec]

no bc of course the boy who i slept w in my group confided in me that he thinks he has an Ed … & when i was like well u can speak to me abt it i still struggle too he was like “not anymore” 😭 like yes im weight restored but its still so hard

[eden🧚🏻‍♀️🍓 @starvingbec]

how did i just switch from eating normally to low res w at least 6 hours of work …

[eden🧚🏻‍♀️🍓 @starvingbec]

im kind of relapsing but i can’t even tell if i actually am or if im just being dramatic

[eden🧚🏻‍♀️🍓 @starvingbec]

what songs to you sound like st*rving?

[eden🧚🏻‍♀️🍓 @starvingbec]

weight restored eden is much, much happier and grateful to be alive

[eden🧚🏻‍♀️🍓 @starvingbec]

sometimes i feel sick knowing i was at bmi 12 like my ed was so happy w me i was tiny and i felt it

[eden🧚🏻‍♀️🍓 @starvingbec]

but then i remember how freezing cold i was no matter how many layers i had on and how i ruined all my friendships bc i didn’t speak to anyone and how i felt so utterly hopeless

[eden🧚🏻‍♀️🍓 @starvingbec]

btw im now out w this girl having drinks without a care in the world, it does get better <3

[eden🧚🏻‍♀️🍓 @starvingbec]

i got so triggered today bc there’s a new girl and she’s on half portions for the time being and she didn’t finish her main meal and i had to eat double ):

[eden🧚🏻‍♀️🍓 @starvingbec]

@MODELBlTCH I LOVE U SMSMSMSMSM U WERE RIGHT !!! 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼

[eden🧚🏻‍♀️🍓 @starvingbec]

idk if anyone rlly cares but i just thought id check in & say recovery is going rlly well, iv reconnected w all my friends & im going travelling solo in two months by myself. its been so hard & i still miss my old body all the time but iv gained sm more

[eden🧚🏻‍♀️🍓 @starvingbec]

@mycalsbrain love you SO much thankyou soph <33 its going to be insane & im finally in a good headspace for it!! so excited

[eden🧚🏻‍♀️🍓 @starvingbec]

@mycalsbrain soph!!! i love you i missed you )): i promise you it’s worth it, i was so terrified abt gaining forever but it just hasn’t happened. its so worth it <33 my dms r always open ml xx

[eden🧚🏻‍♀️🍓 @starvingbec]

im actually funny again?? i was always the life of the party but my ed completely robbed me of that. my friends tell me all the time that im so fun to be around. id rather be the funny friend than deathly underweight, no matter what an*rexia says

[eden🧚🏻‍♀️🍓 @starvingbec]

its an amazing thing to reconnect w your body & relax into it. you won’t gain weight forever, my body has settled now, extreme hunger is mostly gone & i can eat any amount of food & not gain.