tv denier

my qualifications are beyond words, do not ask me for my qualifications i cannot describe them

[tv denier @statueofpeanut]

if your friends arent tweeting incessantly it means theyre living life in the real world. possibly enjoying themselves. plz check in on your friends i need their attn its like my blood i am weak i am scared i Need Blood Now

[Conner O'Malley @conner_omalley]

I’m 62 years old, I live in Tampa, I eat corn and beef everyday, I always have a titleist hat on, and Iran is the biggest threat to my freedom

[tv denier @statueofpeanut]

@storylinefever correct. might I recommend Kevin2? (not yet usable but trust me i have got a solid start on it)

[tv denier @statueofpeanut]

should i get in a fight with my friend's elderly mother on facebook

[tv denier @statueofpeanut]

@storylinefever before i open every email, i say "i hope this is from a submissive madam." rarely is. consider yourself lucky

[andrew @intellegint]

March 3rd and I got four books down. This is what I been fuckin w/

[tv denier @statueofpeanut]

hey man you forgot to @ your mom and dad! they deserve to see such a selfless gesture

[ThePersistence @ScottPresler]

Mom & Dad,

I’m sorry I haven’t given you grandchildren. I’m sorry that I’ve missed birthdays, special occasions, & reunions. I’m sorry that I haven’t always put you both — & the family — first. I’m sorry that I come home exhausted & don’t want to talk. I’m not sorry that you continue to teach me. I love the way you love each other. I love that you’ve been married for 45 years. I love that you — dad — still call mom your “bride.” I love that you served our country. I love that you — mom — put your everything into raising the family. I love your patriotism & that you care deeply about our country’s future. In this transformative year, I promise to do better. I promise to spend more quality time with the family. I promise to hug you more. I promise to help around the house more. Ultimately, what I’m saying is I’d like to be more like both of you. I hope to one day create the love you have cultivated with our family & I hope the work I’m doing now is a beginning pathway.

[tv denier @statueofpeanut]

@MG_Schindler

[tv denier @statueofpeanut]

and everyone who didn't mock God lived forever and never died even once hallelujah

[tv denier @statueofpeanut]

how have we not had a sequel when this has been there the whole time

[tv denier @statueofpeanut]

@Elmo_Oxygen watching this part is also a good way to tell it sucked

[tv denier @statueofpeanut]

real men always take a double dose of nyquil before operating a motor vehicle

[tv denier @statueofpeanut]

wrong again idiot

[tv denier @statueofpeanut]

@OryxLikesRocks i just did this to someone. they quickly backed into a wall as i stood over them. their pupils dilated as they grinned widely. their whole body was shaking with an emotion i can only assume was excitement. it really works!

[tv denier @statueofpeanut]

if anyone looks at me like i'm mentally ill tomorrow, i will immediately scream "i'm not mentally ill!!" so that they know that i'm not mentally ill

[tv denier @statueofpeanut]

i like being on vyvanse but one side effect is i tweet less now. i got off easy though. my friend's partner started taking it and now she's a realtor. people really ought be careful

[tv denier @statueofpeanut]

@dodgonkulator been so long since i heard the new sylvan esso single once a day for two straight weeks and thought "hm. this song is totally okay to listen to i guess"

[Rural Indexing Project @ruralindexing]

Smiling peanut
Plains, GA

[tv denier @statueofpeanut]

jimmy carter peanut statue

[tv denier @statueofpeanut]

@storylinefever today I am here to talk about.. "all-bert cammis"... from country ...mm... "frank"?