Stella

I I follow I follow you

[Stella @StellaClaudine]

@freshhel Having a visceral reaction to this

[Stella @StellaClaudine]

Mathematically speaking, you get more sandwich when you cut it diagonally

[Stella @StellaClaudine]

My throat hurts from making bird sounds at the top of my lungs for 20 mins trying to get my baby to go to sleep btw

[Stella @StellaClaudine]

I knew about postpartum hair loss but I had no idea that the cause was your 4-month old baby pulling it out

[Stella @StellaClaudine]

“Cook onion & garlic til fragrant”

So absolutely immediately

[Stella @StellaClaudine]

On the bus next to a kid who is arguing with incredible persuasion that ketchup is a fruit smoothie

[Sam Martone @s_martone]

in collaboration with shut eye press in tempe, az, i have a new handbound chapbook called quiver. each story is a different trick arrow in the azure archer’s quiver.

[Stella @StellaClaudine]

I love how companies are like “plz listen carefully as our menu options have changed.” Like, ConEd, I’m not tryna take up brain space with your old menu options

[Stella @StellaClaudine]

The blankies of Ed Sheeran

[Stella @StellaClaudine]

I have scientific evidence that it rains every Tuesday

[Stella @StellaClaudine]

“Has anyone watched Something’s Wrong with Herschel?” — my mom, wondering if anyone has watched Fleishman is in Trouble

[Stella @StellaClaudine]

Pretending I was on survivor reaaalllly helped me on Yom Kippur this year

[Stella @StellaClaudine]

Diary of a girl who feels too bad killing lantern bugs even tho she is supposed to

[Stella @StellaClaudine]

I’ll pay you to let me know when my read receipts are on

[Stella @StellaClaudine]

The Emmy’s are tonight…..guess I wasn’t invited….

[Stella @StellaClaudine]

I’m at the point of Sam being away when I start watching Emily in Paris. He needs to come back tout de suite!!!!!

[Stella @StellaClaudine]

Every morning sam is like how was your wedding anxiety dream last night and I’m like which one

[Sam Martone @s_martone]

me first thing on a sunday morning: “love how on ‘what else can i do’ mirabel sings isabela’s melody from ‘we don’t talk about bruno’ representing her surface-level understanding of her sister’s—”

stella: “i’m going for a walk”

[Stella @StellaClaudine]

Good morning to everyone except the man sitting next to me on the subway who keeps pulling down his mask to FLOSS

[Sam Martone @s_martone]

interviewer, suspiciously: “we noticed there’s a gap in your resume.”

me: “I worked there for about a year, but I like your clothes better.”

interviewer: “you’re hired, welcome to the j. crew family.”

[Sam Martone @s_martone]

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teenage mutant ninja wordles