Stephisms

I laugh at my own jokes. Writer. creative Director.

[Stephisms @stephaniashines]

If Louvre’s password is “Louvre”, then the British Museum’s must be “loot”

[Stephisms @stephaniashines]

Overheard in McDonald’s:

“A paper straw is like the opposite of a d*ck - the more you suck, the softer it gets.”

[Stephisms @stephaniashines]

You can’t burnout if you don’t have a spark

[Stephisms @stephaniashines]

Stealing from the Louvre is robbery. Stealing from the British museum is what? Re-robbery?

[Stephisms @stephaniashines]

The anxiety leaving my body as soon as the London Eye turns purple tomorrow:

[Stephisms @stephaniashines]

‘Whatever makes you happy’ is just the global mum dialect for ‘you’re about to f*ck your entire life up.’

[Stephisms @stephaniashines]

The endless chatter about AI is more harmful than AI itself 🙄

[Stephisms @stephaniashines]

Taking 2 Tylenols with a glass of wine to cope with the news today.

[Stephisms @stephaniashines]

Coldplay needs to catch another cheating couple so the world can return to harmony.

[Stephisms @stephaniashines]

I thought Melania was Diana’s ghost

[Stephisms @stephaniashines]

These Freud pins are 🔥

[Stephisms @stephaniashines]

I consider myself a normal girl, but according to the Tesco lasagna I just ate I’m also a family of 4.

[Stephisms @stephaniashines]

The UK trying to leave the UK

[Stephisms @stephaniashines]

Removing the Banksy made it look even more Banksy

[Stephisms @stephaniashines]

Monday gets all the credit, but Tuesday is the hardest. Tuesday is the under-recognised b*tch.

[Stephisms @stephaniashines]

Wild that litres of water are wasted just to churn out ChatGPT LinkedIn posts.

[Stephisms @stephaniashines]

Welcome to the weekend: the only time when lunch isn’t a £3.50 meal deal.

[Stephisms @stephaniashines]

The new White Lotus will be set in France. Can Emily in Paris be the one who dies at the end, pls?

[Stephisms @stephaniashines]

Had we stayed remote post-pandemic, there’d be no affairs at Coldplay.

[Stephisms @stephaniashines]

It’s 2025 and the 3 wise men are on the way bearing gifts:

Vapes, Ozempic and Torres Black Truffle.

#GoldCrackers